Solid Ground
by C.J. Taylor
Summary: Edward has a dark past. Can Bella help him get his life back together, or will he fall back into his old ways in the wake of a family tragedy? AU AH BPOV. First fic, be easy on me.
1. Part I

**Soundtrack:**

**Red Hot Chili Peppers - Especially in Michigan**

**Matchbox Twenty - All Your Reasons**

**Ryan Adams - Come Pick Me up**

**NOTE*** I edited Part I on 1.19.09. I felt I had rushed through the beginning and wanted to fix it a bit so, it's fixed. Feel free to re-read.

* * *

**Part I.**

It was an absolutely beautiful day. The Florida sun warmed my body and caught in my hair as I lay in the grass, and I wondered why, for the millionth time, I had decided to pack up my things and move to Allendale, Michigan.

College. Oh Right.

I wasn't feeling well just thinking about my move from sunny Boca Raton, Florida. Sure, Michigan may have great summers, but I didn't see the point when the other half of your year is spent running against wind and snow. I sighed and reminded myself that this was my choice and mine alone. I had to go to college and my mother wanted to pursue her acting career in LA. There was no room for me in her life right now, this was her time. Charlie, my father, lived a stone's throw away from my new school, Grand Valley State University. It was time for me to take up a permanent residence with him.

I sat up as I heard my mother, Renee, approach and smiled up at her, hiding my growing unease. "Ready Mom?" I asked brightly. Oops, maybe too brightly.

"Bella…" she started, and I held up my hand."

"Mom, enough." I kept a firm tone to my voice. "I want to spend some time with Charlie and Grand Valley is a great school. I need a change of scenery anyway, and California isn't really my thing." I lied. "We've been over this."

Renee reached down to help me up. I could see her light brown eyes were getting misty. "I know," she said, sounding resigned. "You know anytime you want to stay with Phil and I you're more than welcome. I'm keeping money aside so I can fly you out."

"I know that Mom." I said gently, putting my hand on her arm and forcing a smile.

Phil was Renee's boyfriend. He was, I suspected, the real reason she was moving. Phil owned two night clubs in Eastern Florida and since business only did well during the tourist season he had developed some big plan to open up some clubs in California. Along with it he had promised Renee that a late blossoming acting career was just ahead. He was young, but I did like Phil. My mom needed a little direction, and I knew I could trust him to give it to her.

As Renee and Phil finished packing up the car I stood in the doorway of our small home, looking out towards the street. I memorized the lines of the palm trees and blue of the sky, taking small and even breaths.

"Bella!" Phil called from the car. "We're ready!"

I forced myself forward, silently saying goodbye to my childhood home.

*****

The flight went smoothly, minus the butterflies in my stomach the entire way. I did a good job of hiding my emotions, but suppressing them on the inside was another story. My face was blank, but my mind was racing. As the plane landed and I stood to exit the plane my knees began to feel weak.

When I reached the baggage claim Charlie was waiting for me, looking as awkward as usual in a flannel red shirt and blue jeans. We shared a brief hug, and after grabbing my luggage we started towards his beat up blue Chevy pick-up without a word. My eyes widened when I saw the truck, I couldn't believe he still had that thing. Actually I was more surprised it was still _running_.

"Thanks a lot for picking me up Charlie." I finally said when we reached the entrance ramp to the freeway. He cringed as I said his name instead of Dad. I glanced at him with a look of guilt and made a mental note to try harder not to do that from now on.

"Sure Bella, it's no problem. You really didn't expect to have to take a taxi home did you?" He shot me a lop-sided grin from the driver's seat and I relaxed a little, letting out a small laugh.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Charlie and I were very much alike in that way, we felt comfortable in silence. He didn't feel the need to dote, and I didn't feel the need to pretend I was ecstatic about this move. I'm sure he knew the truth. We may not have spent much time together in our lives, but he did know me. I was more like him than Renee in almost every way possible.

I watched the scenery pass by as we drove. Grand Rapids seemed like a promising city, full of life. As we passed through I felt a small tug of excitement for the first time. Once we hit Allendale though, things became a bit sparser. There were plenty of fast food restaurants and stores, but also just as many fields of nothingness to go with them. Were those all _cow_ fields? I bit my lip.

"Do you want to see your campus Bells?" Charlie asked, moving into the left lane. I just nodded; I knew he'd take me regardless. He slowly turned into the school's main road.

As we passed under a blue "Grand Valley State University" archway my anticipation grew. I saw a few summer-term students lounging on benches and walking in and out of large buildings. The town may not have been much, but the campus was beautiful. I couldn't deny that. Right now, in the August heat, I had renewed hope.

"It's real nice here in the summer Bells." Charlie said, trying to be convincing. "I know you're not too happy about these bad winters we get, but you'll get used to them. It's no Boca Raton, but I think you'll grow to love it."

I just continued to stare out of the passenger window silently, hoping that was true.

*****

I had spent a few summers with Charlie when I was a child, but since I was about 8 years old he had come down to Florida to visit me for two weeks out of the year so my memories of his home were dim. When we pulled up I was surprised to see that he had kept it up well. It was a small but neat brick home situated upon a decent sized piece of land on a quiet dead-end street. I silently thanked my lucky stars it was two floors. I liked my privacy and I remembered that my bedroom would be upstairs, along with a full bathroom. Charlie stayed in the master bedroom on the first floor. That would give me some room to breathe.

Charlie grabbed my larger bags as I grabbed my carry-on and headed into the house; before Charlie reached the door he stopped and said casually over his shoulder "That car in driveway is yours Bells."

I stopped, confused for a moment. I slowly turned towards the dirt driveway and my mouth fell open. Sitting there was a bright red, and slightly dated LeBaron. It was a bit boxy, but it looked reliable, which was perfect for an accident-magnet like me. I had planned on buying a car eventually, but having one so soon was sure to be convenient. As I reached the inside of the house and opened my mouth to thank Charlie he put up his hand and shook his head. I smiled, understanding, and we both began to pull my bags upstairs.

My new room was small, but cozy. The walls were painted a light yellow and Charlie had put a large bed and desk in the room. Decorations were a little sparse, but I didn't mind. I had a few things to hang up but otherwise I didn't like clutter. I noticed a photo on the desk of me and Charlie laughing when I was young, maybe five or so, and it abruptly made me sad. I had never felt like I was missing out on much growing up, but when I really thought how lonely he must have been it made me suddenly thankful we would have this chance to bond, especially since we were so much alike.

"Wow, thanks Dad, it looks great." I said, sticking my hands in my back pockets, still taking it in.

"I know you have a laptop so I got that wireless internet hooked up. I'm guessing they have computer labs on campus but I'm sure you'd like to study here once in awhile too." He shrugged, trying to tone down the gesture, but I could tell he put some thought into me coming. "Well," he said after awhile, "I'll let you unpack and get settled." With that he headed back downstairs and after a few minutes I heard the sounds of a baseball game on the TV.

I sat down on the edge of my bed, feeling a mixture of emotions. I was eager to start college, and I was happy to get to know Charlie better, but I missed my Mom, and I missed my home. I had never made any long-lasting friendships, or had any significant boyfriends, but it was still home all the same.

I flopped back onto my bed, trying to quiet my thoughts, and unintentionally fell asleep.

****

I woke up a few hours later, confused. When I realized where I was, I sighed and got up to begin unpacking my things. It was reaching late afternoon and since school was starting in a few days I wanted to get organized.

After I was finished I got the keys to my new car and went for a ride, pleased to find the car drove like it was brand new. Charlie had told me the town wasn't too hard to get around, and if I got lost I had my cell phone. I drove around aimlessly for awhile, trying to memorize street signs, and after an hour I ended up back at my new campus.

I parked in a lot marked for visitor parking and got out of my car to take a look around. Directly behind me was a fairly new and massive recreational center. In front of me were several buildings. The campus was much larger than I had expected and for a moment I felt overwhelmed. I knew most students came for an orientation here before starting, but I had just signed up for my classes online. I was starting to think I should have flown in earlier for a tour.

I began to walk across the street towards the buildings that I was positive held classrooms. I walked into an unremarkable looking building marked 'Mackinac' and started roaming the halls. The classrooms were fairly large but not much different than many of my high school classrooms. I quickly walked out a side door and found myself in a beautiful square filled with flowers and little black benches. There were a few students reading or chatting with each other and as I was taking it all in I tripped and toppled over, right at the tiny feet of another girl.

I groaned in both pain and embarrassment as she grabbed my hand to help me up.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I could tell she was suppressing a laugh. Her voice was little and matched her petite body.

"Oh, er, I'm fine, thanks." I stumbled as got up, my face flushing. I shrugged, "It happens a lot."

She finally let out a small but high-pitched giggle and then quickly stopped, looking ashamed. "You look a little bewildered, are you just starting this semester?" she asked, questioning me with big curious eyes.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I just moved in with my Dad and I've never actually seen the campus before."

She smiled at me, her voice flowing excitedly. "I'm Alice Cullen, I'm a freshman too, but I live in the dorms." She suddenly rolled her eyes, making a disgusted face. "I had to escape my roommate already, her and her big bear of a boyfriend started making out almost immediately, and let me tell you; those rooms are _not _big enough for that."

I laughed, I liked this girl already. "My name is Bella."

"Well Bella, it was very nice to meet you. I'm sure I'll see you again soon. If you ever want to come visit and meet some students I'm in Stafford, it's near the residential parking lot." she said cheerfully, "Good luck, and try to watch your step from now on." She flashed me a big smile as we parted ways. I smiled back, she was so dainty and her personality seemed contagious, I found myself hoping I would see her again.

After a little more exploring I decided to call it quits and head back to Charlie's for dinner. I quickly realized with one peek into his fridge that a shopping trip would have to be made almost immediately. For now, however, it looked like boxed pizza would have to do.

I sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time.

*****

The first day of classes came quickly and I stood in the bathroom for a long while looking over my reflection in the mirror. Besides my large deep chocolate-colored eyes that matched my long thick hair perfectly, I had very average features. I was a little on the pale side, at least for somebody who lived in the Sunshine State their entire life, and there was a small scattering of light freckles across my nose. My skin was clear and my mouth a bit uneven, but I had convinced myself it wasn't enough to be noticeable.

I held my stomach as the butterflies started to hit me. I didn't know why I was so nervous. I had always been shy but never like this. I took a deep breath to calm myself as I walked downstairs and quickly ate a bowl of cereal. My first class was at 9 am and I had 2 more afterwards. I wanted to get some food in me in case I couldn't find a cafeteria.

"Bye Charlie!" I called, grabbing my plain black backpack. I wasn't sure if he even heard me. He worked for a packaging company somewhere downtown, and he had only Sunday and Mondays off, so I knew he was probably sleeping in a little. I tripped as I made my down the porch steps.

"Nice start Bella." I muttered to myself.

My first class was a 100 level Algebra class. Not the best way to start considering I am a failure at Math, but I tried to remain hopeful, considering the Professor seemed very likeable. As I looked around me I noticed that several other students looked as nervous as I felt, and that calmed me down. A little.

I quickly found my way across campus to another set of pretty buildings all named after the Great Lakes. My next class was Sociology 110, in Lake Huron Hall. I was excited about this one, since I was considering Sociology as my major. However when I walked in, I ducked my head and quickly grabbed a seat when I realized there were over 200 students in the classroom. Grand Valley boasted small class sizes, but I guess I had registered for one of their few large lectures.

As I sat down my seat squeaked loudly, causing a few students to turn around in their chairs. I felt my face turning red and I buried myself in my backpack trying to locate a pencil. When I emerged, I noticed Alice was a few rows up from me, sitting next to a tall boy with unruly bronze hair; she was twisted around in her seat, smiling at me and excitedly waving. I waved back, still embarrassed about the reason she had turned around in the first place.

Class only lasted a half hour, Professor Lipke gave us a small summery of the syllabus and sent us out with some light reading to do. I got up just in time to receive a crushing hug from Alice. I laughed, surprised, as she pulled back.

"Bella, I'm so happy to see you! How amazing is this?" She gushed. She turned a little towards the bronze hair boy I had noticed earlier. "This is my brother Edward."

Edward nodded, flashing me a quick and crooked smile. It took all of my strength not to let my jaw drop. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"Hello Edward." I said quietly, suddenly shy.

Alice grabbed my hand, "Do you want to grab some lunch? I'm _starving _and we have all of this free time now. Edward, want to come?"

"I'm actually going to run to my apartment Alice, but thanks. Nice to meet you Bella." He said politely as he started walking away. I couldn't help but watch him go.

Alice led me back across campus to the lower level of a big building that also housed the bookstore, a coffee shop, and several smaller rec rooms with pool tables and TVs. I had never been in here before and it had a very homey feel to it, despite its size. "How do you already know your way around?" I asked her as she moved quickly through the building with me tagging behind her.

"Edward is older than me and he's been here for a little while." She explained. "So I've been around plenty of times before."

I nodded. We had finally reached the cafeteria. There a few different types of food to choose from. Alice, explaining that she was a vegetarian, chose a large salad with soup, and I opted for a chicken sandwich.

"So how long have you been a vegetarian?" I asked her, curious. I couldn't imagine it myself.

"Oh, some time now. I just always felt like a monster eating other creatures, you know?" She said between forkfuls of salad. "So, how do you like it here so far? Have you met anybody yet? Isn't this campus great?"

I smiled at her quick questions. "Only you," I admitted sheepishly. "I guess it's kind of hard to meet people when you live off-campus. I really do like it so far though, and yes, the campus is beautiful."

"Oh, that's no problem Bella; I've met plenty of friends I can share. I actually ended up really liking my roommate once her boyfriend got his tongue out of her mouth. We found out we share an affinity for clothing." She explained; as if that were the bond that would never break. I smirked; I definitely wouldn't be in on that hobby.

As if she could read my mind she glanced at me and cleared her throat. "We should go shopping sometime Bella. How about tonight"

I swallowed a piece of chicken, "I don't know Alice, we have that reading to do already, and I'm not really a shopper…"

She cut me off. "C'mon, it will be fun. We can go with Rosalie and maybe a couple other girls I've met. That way you can meet some people and maybe pick up a few, um, things."

I had to admit that it couldn't hurt. I didn't want to be an outcast just because I wasn't staying in the dorms. Alice seemed like somebody I could really have fun with, and I needed some of that in my life right now. "Alright," I gave in.

"Awesome! Do you want us to pick you up or do you want to meet at my room around 6?"

"How about I just come to you? That way I can get to know that area better." I suggested. It was probably a good idea. The area she lived was all dorms and an honors building, so I didn't think I'd be making my way over there on my own for any reason. She jotted down her room number and cell phone number for me.

"Just call me when you get to the front, I have to let you in." She instructed me. We chatted a little while more until we both had to head off to class - me to American History and her to a freshman writing course.

I was in a very good mood suddenly. It was a beautiful day, my first two professors seemed great, and I had already made a friend. I smiled to myself as I walked into my third and final class of the day.

***

After my classes were over I went into town to do some shopping at the local Meijer. I could not live off Charlie's frozen dinners any longer. As I wandered down the aisles picking up frozen chicken and random lunch meats, I came across a 12 pack of soda labeled 'Vernors.'

I had no idea what that was. Suddenly as silly as it was, I felt very homesick. I let it last a moment then I shook it off, remembering how well my day went.

When I got home, Charlie was watching TV. "Hey Bells!" He called towards the door. "How were classes?"

"Actually, pretty good Dad. I think I'm going to like all my Professors so far. I did some grocery shopping too, so help yourself to anything I bought." I said, rustling the shopping bags in my hands. "It's probably not healthy for you to be eating all of those frozen pizzas you know."

He rolled his eyes and turned back around to face the TV.

I went upstairs to refresh. I threw on some faded jeans, flip flops, and a blue tank top. Glancing in the mirror, I quickly ran a comb through my hair. I did usually wear a small amount of makeup, but not much, and I didn't see much need for putting any more on now. It's just a shopping trip, I thought to myself.

I found Alice's dorm pretty quickly, and it only took her a minute after I called her to come open the door for me. There were a dozen or so students sitting in a big living room chatting and watching TV, and to the right two boys were playing ping-pong.

Alice led me up to the 2nd floor, where her room was. I guessed by the even amount of girls and guys walking around, that it was a co-ed floor.

"I'm so excited you're coming with us Bella!" she said, practically skipping down the hall. "I have a feeling we're going to be great friends."

I was flattered, although I had no idea how she could have come to that conclusion. Maybe she was psychic.

_I'm so sure Bella_, I thought to myself.

When we entered the dorm I was surprised at how clean it was, and it wasn't as tiny as I thought it would be either. Alice and Rosalie has gotten a suite style room, which meant it was a little larger than the traditional dorms and they only had to share a bathroom with 4 other girls. Even I, with all my need for privacy, could handle _that_.

Rosalie was just walking out of the bathroom when we walked in. "Hi Bella," she said coolly, extending her perfectly manicured hand to shake mine. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too." I smiled at her, in awe of how beautiful she was. While Alice was pretty because of her petite features, big eyes, and dark wild hair, Rosalie was gorgeous with perfectly aligned features and long golden blonde hair with a body to die for. They were also both dressed up to the max and I suddenly felt a bit underdressed. "I didn't realize this was a formal occasion." I laughed.

"I dress like this every day." Rosalie said almost apologetically. I took in her outfit. With her tight hip hugging jeans, 3 inch black strappy heels, and a low cut black tank top that looked painted on, I couldn't figure out for the life of me how she could move, let alone function from day to day while wearing that.

Alice smirked. "That's _tame_ for you Rosalie."

Just then I noticed that Edward had poked his head in the door and my heart fluttered. "Hey girls," he greeted us, his green eyes smiling. "Alice, sorry for just showing up but Jasper and I were wondering if we could tag along."

Alice suddenly looked a little jumpy. "You and Jasper? Absolutely!" she said in a high-pitched squeak. Rosalie shot me a look, and I quickly guessed that Alice had a bit of a crush on this Jasper guy.

"Sweet, I'm coming too! " I heard a deep voice boom from behind Edward. A large muscle-clad brown haired boy shoved his way into the room.

"Oh Emmett, baby, you know I like to surprise you with what I buy." Rosalie pouted a little. This must have been the boyfriend that had annoyed Alice in the beginning.

"Don't worry," Edward said. "He can tag along with us. Besides, I think it would be better if we went separate anyway. I drove here from my apartment and my little sister just reminded me how bad of an idea it would be to be stuck at the mall with her." He shot me a look of warning and I gulped.

Once we got to the mall I couldn't help but enjoy the company I was with. I quickly learned that Emmett and Rosalie bickered constantly, but made up seconds later, literally. She had her arms crossed one minute and her lips on his the next. It would have been slightly nauseating if I didn't like them so much. Rosalie seemed very smart, albeit a bit spoiled. Emmett was hilarious with his random bursts of energy and blunt sense of humor. Alice was as excitable as she had been from the moment I met her, flittering from one store to the next, always exiting with a new and full shopping bag. Edward was quiet, but polite. Jasper was a little intense, but I could see immediately he was a good person. He had very kind eyes, which watched Alice constantly, although I don't think she knew it. I would have to talk with her about that later.

Once we separated from the guys, Alice insisted on turning me into her fashion project for the evening and although I argued a bit I ended up going along with most things, some other things however were not okay.

"Alice!" I screeched, looking at myself in a dressing room mirror. "What is this?!"

"It's a mini-skirt dummy, and it looks fantastic on you, you have to get it." She jumped up and down.

"No way," I shook my head vigorously. "I would never ever in my entire life wear this thing. You're going to have to kill me first." I could hear Rosalie chuckle from another room.

She sighed, throwing up her hands. "Fine Bella, but why on earth you wouldn't want to show off those legs I have no clue. It's your loss." She frowned, but immediately perked up when I reminded her I had already given in to buying piles of new clothes. So much for my savings account.

After shopping for what seemed like hours, we met back up with everybody at Olga's for dinner. I was already feeling comfortable with this group of people, and as surprising as that was to me, it made me happy.

"So, Bella, you're from Florida?" Edward asked me suddenly, his beautiful eyes holding mine.

"Born and bred." I answered, trying to keep my breath steady.

"So why are you so _white?_" Emmett asked. Rosalie hit him in the shoulder and he huffed. "Well, I mean, isn't it like, sunny there all of the time?"

I laughed to show him I wasn't offended. "I take after my Dad. The sun gives me a little color in my face, but I don't tan well. I gave up on trying years ago."

The rest of dinner went on like this – all of us asking each other questions, trying to get to know each other. Alice was seated next to Jasper and was being very quite for the first time since I met her. Every time their hands or shoulders touched their bodies would react so even I could notice from the other end of the table. I could tell Edward noticed too, though I couldn't tell if he was okay with it.

When we left the restaurant I hung back with Edward a little.

"So, I hate to be nosy, but what's going on with Alice and Jasper?" I asked, immediately blushing when I realized I sounded like a gossip.

"You know, it's the oddest thing." Edward said quietly, so they couldn't hear. "Jasper and I have been friends for a couple years but he only met Alice when she moved here from where our family lives in Grosse Pointe. There was this immediate connection. I guess they just haven't acted on it yet."

"So you've been up here a couple years then?" I asked, looking up at him.

His face shut down suddenly. "Something like that."

He started to run to catch up with everybody else. I frowned slightly, wondering what that was about.

***

The first month of classes went by quickly. I found out I had Alice in two classes and Rosalie and Emmett in one. We all became fast friends. Edward and Jasper came around often too, but I could see that it was mostly for Jasper's benefit. Edward was always polite, but guarded. Some days he would barely speak a word, others he would tease Alice like a typical big brother. He was handsome, but I wasn't fond of his mood swings. I quickly began to learn to ignore the flip in my stomach when he looked my way. Any guy that attractive is going to get that kind of reaction out of a girl, I figured.

September was still beautiful and I was pleasantly surprised. I spent my days attending class, my nights studying, and my weekends usually with Alice or watching TV with Charlie. I was slowly realizing I could really be happy here. We had met a couple other girls named Tanya and Irina and we spent many weekend nights having movie marathons and going out for dinners. I had even let Alice and Rosalie subject me to a pedicure.

I was lounging in my backyard on a Friday afternoon reading for my Sociology class when my cell phone started ringing. I flipped it open and put it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bella! It's Alice."

"Hey Alice, what's up?" I asked, yawning.

"So Jasper is having a party, and it's not going to be huge or anything, but I really think we should all go. Rosalie and Emmett are going for sure." She said quickly, knowing I wasn't big on the party scene.

"Of course Alice, I'll go." I wasn't going to put up a fight. Alice and Jasper needed to just admit their feelings for each other, and if a little alcohol could speed that process along, I would be there holding the shot glasses.

She squealed so loudly I had to hold the phone away from my ear. "Be here in an hour and wear something_ cute_ Bella, no t-shirts!"

I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. She was impossible, but I went up to my bedroom and picked out a new pair of jeans and beige lacy top Alice had picked out for me. She would be so proud, I thought to myself smiling. I threw on some lip gloss, mussed up my hair, and headed out the door.

When I got to the Stafford dorm building I walked upstairs to find a bewildered Rosalie sitting on the edge of her bed. There were clothes scattered everywhere, literally. Alice was in a frenzy, tearing apart her closet. Irina was standing against the wall, a look of both annoyance and amusement on her face.

Alice turned towards me with wild eyes, but her face immediately fell into a smile when she saw me. "Bella! My goodness, you look good. Rosalie – get to work on her face."

"Al-"I started, but Rosalie shushed me, plopped me down at their vanity, and start applying goo to my face. "Humph." I complained while Alice continued to try on roughly 50 outfits.

"Wear that!" Irina exclaimed as Alice modeled a casual, but little, green dress. It did look adorable on her. She seemed happy with the choice and even happier when she saw my face.

I had to admit, Rosalie did work wonders. Not only did my face look flawless, but she had taken a curling iron to my hair and I'd never seen it look so good. "Thanks Rose, you're amazing." I said, looking up at her from where I was seated. She just nodded as if she already knew that and started to reapply her makeup. I immediately lost interest in my reflection, feeling a little like I wanted to wash my face already.

An hour later, Rosalie was ready to go. She had to outdo us all by wearing a stunning red strapless dress with her hair in an elaborate up do, but I suppose we were all used to that by now. Alice, Rosalie, Irina, Tanya, and I shuffled out of the dorm and into Tanya's Jeep. We turned off campus toward Jasper's apartment, not even a half mile away. Alice was bouncing around in her seat like a crazy person.

"Alice, relax." I said, trying to calm her down. "You look fantastic; he will only have eyes for you."

"I just, I need to tell him Bella." She said anxiously. "I wish I could explain what it's like when I'm around him. I've never had trouble telling anybody how I feel before, but I'm so scared…" She trailed off.

"Alice, don't be an idiot." Rosalie snapped from the passenger seat. "All he does is stare at you, he'll probably get down on one knee and purpose the second you tell him that you have feelings for him."

"Way to be blunt Rose." Tanya laughed. "Oh hey, Alice, will Edward be there" she asked.

I knew that Tanya had a thing for Edward and that they had hung out a few times. Whether anything happened, I didn't know. Tanya was very pretty though, and I'm sure he had to be elated she was interested.

Alice shrugged, "I don't think so, he doesn't really party much." She left it at that.

***

When we finally walked into Jasper's apartment there were handful of people situated around the kitchen table, starting a drinking game, and another group of people standing on the back balcony. I was a little surprised to see Edward among them, looking a little tense. He spotted us and walked towards us.

"Edward!" Tanya exclaimed, wrapping him up in a hug. "I didn't expect you here."

Edward smiled tightly and loosely hugged her back. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what his deal was. He excused himself and I saw him walk to the bathroom. Tanya shrugged towards Irina, but didn't seem to worry too much about it. Within moments they both had drinks in their hands and were laughing with a couple boys I had never met.

I put my hand on Alice's shoulder lightly as she tried to look around the apartment nonchalantly, obviously trying to spot Jasper. It was a nice apartment, but not very large, and I imagined he was probably in his room.

"Relax." I said firmly, handing her a fruity concoction. I didn't make one for myself, and I wasn't trying to purposely get Alice drunk, but I figured she might benefit from it. I knew she wouldn't go overboard and I didn't think I knew how to make a strong drink to save my life anyway.

We joined Tanya and Irina. The two boys they were with smiled as we approached. Tanya introduced us both.

"Hi, I'm Mike," said the boy with blonde hair and a dimple, "very nice to meet you two." His gaze lingered a little while on me, and I shuffled my feet uncomfortably, looking down.

"I'm Eric," said the other boy eagerly. He was not as cute as Mike, but seemed sweet. He had shaggy black hair and was a bit short. He reached out with a sweaty hand and I was grateful when Alice took it.

"So where are you two from?" Mike asked, his eyes trying to catch mine.

"Grosse Pointe." Alice said. Eric smiled and nodded, he obviously knew where that was. "Bella is from Florida." She added for me.

I cringed. I didn't want 20 questions.

"Cool!" Mike said loudly. "You're so lucky, it must be awesome. Why did you come here?"

"Oh it's not that great there," I tried to shrug it off. "You know, just like here but with better weather and oceans instead of lakes." Mike laughed a little too loudly and I blushed. Finally, I saw Jasper enter the living room, and I grabbed Alice's arm. "Excuse me." I said to them politely.

"Jasper!" I called, making my way over to him. His eyes lit up when he saw us, or at least when he saw Alice.

"Hi Jazz." Alice said sweetly. I shot her a questioning look. I had never heard her call him that before. "I'm really happy to see you." She continued, surprising me again. I tried to think back to what I put in her drink.

Jasper pressed his lips together, trying to keep from smiling. "I'm glad." He said. "I'm pleased you girls came. Your brother isn't feeling well though Alice, I think maybe somebody should check on him. He's in my room."

Alice bit her lip and started to walk towards the hallway. I grabbed the back of her dress. "Forget about Alice, I'll go check on him."

Alice looked at me strangely and shook her head. "No Bella, it's fine, really. He's my brother and I-"

I cut her off. "Alice, stay." I said firmly while backing away from her. She stood there with her drink still in her hand, confused, as if she didn't know what to do. I winked at her and turned to go check on Edward.

I knocked lightly on the door, which was partly opened. "Edward?" I said lightly, pushing on the door. I stepped in.

Edward didn't look sick, but he _did_ look angry. He was sitting at Jasper's computer desk, banging on the keyboard, one key at a time. When he saw me, he scowled. "What are you doing in here Bella?" he asked, standing up and taking a step towards me.

I backed away, startled. "Jasper said you weren't feeling well…I thought I would, um, check on you. Alice was going to do it but..." I trailed off as I hit my back against the wall. His green eyes were intense, and they threw me off balance.

"Not feeling well?" He laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I'm _sick_ and you need to go Bella. I might be _contagious_."

I stood frozen in place for a moment; my eyes would not tear away from his. I saw anger, but I also sad, sadness? For a moment I felt like reaching out to him, but when his gaze tightened I felt myself getting angry.

"Get out Bella, don't try to do me many favors. Just because you're friends with Alice does_ not_ mean you know me." He said harshly, and my anger seethed.

"Excuse me for trying to be nice Edward." I snapped at him, narrowing my eyes.

"Don't even bother." He muttered as I threw open the door and walked out, tripping on the long shaggy carpet, which made me even more irate. "Jerk" I muttered under my breath. Who did he think he was anyway?

I went back out to the party and took a second to calm myself down. My friends were here, and I wanted to have a good time. Since everybody else was drinking, I needed to stay to get everybody home safely, and I didn't want to stay and be in the bad mood. Forget Edward, I thought to myself.

I looked around me, there were definitely more people here now. Tanya was already looking a bit tipsy as she leaned in closer to Mike. Irina was doing a shot with Rosalie at the counter, and Alice and Jasper were sitting his couch, talking and laughing, which made my mood brighten considerably.

Suddenly I felt a hand at my back, and I spun around to face a giant. I took a step back and looked up, startled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" the exceptionally tall boy said. "You were just standing here; I thought I would introduce myself. You are?"

"Oh." I said dumbly. "Bella Swan."

He smiled a bright smile down at me. "Hello Bella Swan. I'm Jacob."

I took another step back and realized that Jacob was very handsome once you got over his height. He had chopped black hair and very tan skin. I guessed that he was mostly Indian. His skin was smooth and his eyes almost as dark as his hair.

"So," he said after a brief pause "Do you know whose party this is? I just kind of walked in, I was looking for my roommate Sam. Have you seem him? He's almost as tall as me with long hair."

I shook my head and laughed. "No way, I'd have noticed a guy around here even close to your height."

He grinned, looking around to see for himself. Sure enough, everybody was at least 5 inches shorter than him. He shrugged. "So if I find him, is it cool if we came back here? I see a few people I know."

"Oh, I'm sure it is." I said. "Jasper lives here and he's a friend so you can just say you're with me."

"Sounds great. I'll see you later Bella." He walked back out into the hallway, in search for his friend.

Just as he left Tanya approached me, a bit unsteady. "Bella!" she shrieked. "Wow, I am having such a great time." She threw her arm around me.

"Tanya, how are you drunk already?" I asked, shaking my head. 'We've only been here for two hours!"

"Sorry Bella," Rosalie called over. "She doesn't have much tolerance for alcohol. I had no clue, or I wouldn't have done all those shots with her." Rosalie didn't look drunk at all and I guessed that she had a bit of experience tossing back straight liquor, which didn't really surprise me. Rosalie was every guys dream, minus the pouting and inherent need for expensive shoes.

"Where's Edward? I want to talk to him." Tanya started walking towards Jasper's bedroom and I grabbed her hand quickly.

"No, no Tanya. He's not feeling well. I don't think you should go in there." I tried to pull her back, searching for Mike. She seemed to like him earlier, maybe I could…

By the time I located him, Tanya was gone. She had broken out of my grasp and I could here her opening up Jasper's door down the small hallway. I thought maybe I should go after her, but I couldn't be sure Edward wouldn't want her in there, so I just let it be and tried to find Alice.

When did this party get so much bigger? I asked myself, pushing through a crowded kitchen where it looked like a few football players had decided to have a beer chugging contest. I gagged watching the sticky liquid run down their chins and continued to the living room.

She and Jasper were still on the couch, very close. Alice was whispering in his ear, and he had his hand lightly on her shoulder. I backed up a little; I didn't want to interrupt them.

"Bella!" a deep voice called. I turned around to see Jacob had returned with his friend Sam, who had already started in on a conversation with a tiny brunette. She looked small enough for him to eat, I thought to myself with a giggle.

I waved him over. "Do you want to get some fresh air?" I asked, gesturing towards the balcony. "I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic in here." He nodded, motioning for me to lead the way.

"So," he started when we got outside. "Why do you look so sober? Everybody else here looks like they're getting as drunk as fast as they possibly can."

I laughed and turned towards the wind, letting it hit my hot face. "I'm not really that into it." I explained, "I mean, I'll have a drink, but I barely have control of my body when I'm sober, so losing even more control is just a scary thought."

He looked at me, seemingly confused.

"I fall a lot." I shrugged, and he laughed.

We talked outside for several minutes. He was extremely easy to talk too, and I liked him almost immediately. He had a very easy-going nature, although he seemed to be a bit careless. He told stories about dirt bike racing and four wheeling that made me cringe.

"Dirt biking." I repeated, making a face. "That sounds like something I would most definitely never do." Ever.

"Oh it's not so dangerous. It's just a good time." He said, trying to convince me. I would never be convinced that driving along a bumpy rocky road on some _bike_ was a good time.

Suddenly I heard a bit of commotion going on in the living room. Jacob and I stepped back inside to see what was going on. All I could make out was a distraught Tanya practically sobbing, and Alice was trying to calm her down.

"H-h-he d-d-idn't have t-to say those t-things Alice!" she stumbled her words, her eyes watering over. "What's his p-p-roblem?" She hiccupped, looking miserable.

Alice didn't say anything to comfort her. She just looked at Irina for help, and as Irina rushed to Tanya's side Alice spun around and hurried towards the bedroom, with Jasper in tow.

I was itching to follow them, but I stayed put, silently doing a head count of all of my friends. Every single one of them had been drinking and I knew it was almost time to leave.

Jacob took notice and gave me a quick hug. "You have my number now Bella," he reminded me. He had given it to me earlier "I'd love to hang out sometime." I smiled at him and nodded. He grabbed Sam and minutes later the two of them were gone, along with the little brunette.

I found Rosalie with Emmett, who must have just arrived.

"What is his deal?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips. "He was horrible to me earlier and whatever he said to Tanya couldn't have been much nicer."

Rosalie looked at me, frowning slightly. "I don't know why he's even here." She said quietly, shaking her head. I was about to ask what she meant when Alice reappeared, looking tired.

"Let's just go." She said flatly. "Bella, you can drive right?" I nodded silently; I already had Tanya's car keys in my purse.

We gathered everybody up and got into the car. There was barely a word spoken. I desperately wanted to ask Tanya what he had done to make her so upset, but I held back. She was half asleep anyway and Alice didn't look like she was in the mood to discuss anything right now.

I dropped them off and headed home in my own car, my mind running on overtime. I wanted nothing more than to sleep and the second I hit my sheets, that's exactly what I did.

***

The next day I woke up to sunny skies. The temperature was supposed to reach a record high and there was no way I was going to ignore that. I had never been much for tanning but I was craving the beach. I picked up my slim black phone to call Alice, hoping that whatever happened last night hadn't ruined her mood for the entire weekend.

"Hi Bella, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she said, her voice animated.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Absolutely" I said, already yanking my emerald green bathing suit out of my drawer. It was time to meet the lake.

When I pulled up to Stafford I honked and waited a minute for Alice to come down. I had cranked up my music loudly to match my mood, but my stomach dropped when I saw that Alice was not alone. Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward were with her. The first three I could live with, the last one I most definitely did not want to see today. I turned down my radio and fidgeted with my sunglasses, wondering how I should act as they all squished into my car. Edward jumped in the passenger seat and I avoided looking in his direction while I flipped through my CD case to distract myself.

"This one." Edward stopped me, grabbing my hand before I could turn to the next CD. I quickly yanked it away and he frowned at me. I pulled out a different CD without looking at him and shoved it into the hand-me-down stereo I had acquired from Alice a month ago.

"You guys! Just because I am little does not mean I can be smushed!" Alice's muffled voice cried out from the backseat. She was buried underneath Emmett and Jasper, who were both laughing, trying to wiggle around to make her more comfortable.

"Jesus Alice, just sit on Jasper's lap then!" Rosalie said, rolling her eyes. I glanced in the rearview mirror long enough to see Jasper happily placing Alice on his lap and I smiled briefly before putting my sunglasses back on and throwing the car into drive.

The beach was actually pretty amazing. It had taken roughly 20 minutes to get there and although there were plenty of people, it was spacious enough not to feel too crowded. The six of us quickly found a spot to lay our towels down near the water and began to undress down to our suits.

I looked out towards Lake Michigan. Unlike the ocean it was calm and a much different shade of blue, but it was clear and the sun made it shimmer all along the shore. I could see boats for several miles and I looked up and smiled as I felt the warm sun on my face and shoulders. Finally I started lathering on the sunscreen. I most definitely did not want to turn into a lobster today.

Rosalie whistled as I was covering my legs with the lotion. I could feel my cheeks flush and I hid my face. I knew I shouldn't have let Alice talk me into buying this bikini.

When I finally looked up again I noticed Edward staring at me. I couldn't help but clench my jaw and he looked away quickly, leaning towards Jasper to ask him for bottled water.

Was it wrong to be mad at him? I wondered. No way, I answered my own thought. The way he had spoken to me last night was totally out of line. I huffed a little as I remembered it, and slammed down onto my towel a little too hard. "Ouch!" I said loudly. I glanced at Edward again and realized he was quietly laughing at me. I grabbed my book out of Rosalie's large white beach bag and stuck my nose in it, determined to ignore him for the remainder of the day. Maybe even eternity.

After about a half hour Emmett got bored and started to plead with Rosalie to go into the water with him.

"Emmett, not right now." She said, turning from her back to her stomach. "I'm sunbathing!"

I watched as Emmett sat there for a moment, forming what I could only consider a very bad idea in his head. He then swept Rosalie up in his arms and ran towards the water. We all laughed as she shrieked at him, hitting his burly chest. When he threw her into the water, we knew that would be it.

"Emmett! I am going to kill you!" she growled, rising up from the water and jumping on his back. I giggled as I watched them wrestle. Jasper soon pulled Alice up and they ran in too, splashing and playing along with them. I smiled before continuing to read my book, aware that Edward was again looking in my direction.

"Bella?" His voice was quiet. I considered pretending I didn't hear him for a moment, but I knew that would just be immature, so I put down my book.

"Yes Edward?" I turned towards my right where he was sitting 3 towels down from me, leaning back on his hands.

"I wanted to apologize to you about last night." He said, and although he sounded sincere I still turned my head away from him, my mouth set in a straight line. "I was upset and I took it out on you, I really am sorry."

"And did you apologize to Tanya too?" I asked curtly, remembered her mascara streaked face. "Because whatever she said or did, it couldn't have been bad enough to deserve _that_." I turned my face back towards his, trying to ignore how amazing he looked in the sunlight. And that body…

"Bella I have no excuse for how I treated anybody last night. I just, I have some things to work out and I'm doing that. It's just hard sometimes."

"Listen Edward, go ahead and work out your issues, but I can't be around somebody who jumps from one mood to the next like you do. It's exhausting." I was being stubborn and I knew it, but something about Edward was getting me all fired up and I couldn't stop myself or let myself forgive him.

"Fine. Forget I even tried then." He got up quickly and walked towards the pavilion. I sighed and turned back towards the water and realized Alice had been watching our entire exchange. I suddenly felt very guilty.

***

When the sun became too much for me I got up to go find shade, with Alice deciding to come with me. I was glad to finally have a chance to talk with her about Jasper. I still had no idea what they had discussed last night.

"What did my brother say you?" she demanded as soon as we found an empty picnic table under a tree.

I looked at her, surprised. "He was very rude to me last night and he tried to apologize to me, but I just can't accept it right now Alice, I'm sorry. I'm just angry and I need some time."

She sighed and nodded. "He told me how he acted. I understand if you can't forgive him now, but please just bear with him."

"Alice, I don't understand, what's going on?"

Her eyes were pleading with me. "I can't Bella, really."

I wanted to press her, to ask for more information, but I couldn't make her do that. It was family business and that was private. Who was I to pry?

"Will you at least tell me about Jasper then?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at her to lighten the mood.

Her face magically transformed as she broke out into a huge grin. "Well apparently alcohol is liquid courage because I ended up telling him…everything." She put her head in her hands. "He feels exactly the same Bella! I'm just, so happy." She tilted her head to the side and a dreamy look came over her face. I laughed and reached over to hug her.

"I knew it! We told you. I just can't believe you've been so_ calm_ about it.

She paused a moment and then without warning jumped up and did a little dance, shrieking with glee and scaring a few children sitting near us. I cracked up and pulled her back towards the beach for some more sun before it was time head back.

***

Another month passed and the days finally began to get colder, much to my disappointment. I had begun to hope the constant warm weather had followed me north.

Edward and I had fallen into a polite but impersonal relationship. He was constantly in my life, but always on the outskirts, quieter than he had even been before. I caught him watching me at times, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I wasn't angry anymore.

If he apologized to Tanya she had seemed to accept it, which made me feel worse. They did not spend any time together outside of group outings, but they were friendly with each other. I found myself wishing I could let things go as well as Tanya had, considering he had done much worse to her than to me. What was it about him that had me feeling this way? I couldn't figure it out.

Classes were getting harder, but the work load wasn't too much for me to handle and I found myself with more free time than I had thought I would have. I was holding off on getting a job until the summer, and since I had saved up more than enough money over the last few years to get me by, I decided to just enjoy my free time with my friends.

Jasper and Alice began to fall hard for each other. They were together almost as much as Rosalie and Emmett were and I had grown to love them both so much by now that I was elated.

Suddenly, with the weather getting colder, I started to feel sick, _really_ sick. I trudged to my classes anyway, thinking I could get away with it, until finally had a very loud and embarrassing coughing fit in my Wednesday Sociology class.

Alice turned towards me, "Are you alright Bella?" she asked, concerned. I saw Edward lean forward to look past Alice at me. I clearly did not look alright; I knew I was ghostly pale with dark circles under my watery eyes. I had tried to hide them this morning.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." I lied anyway, hoping they wouldn't notice. "It's just the weather making my throat dry."

Before I could pull back she lifted the back of her hand up to my head. "Bella!" she gasped. "You're burning up! What are you doing here?"

I was busted. I just shrugged weakly. "I don't like missing class."

"Oh Bella honestly!" she huffed, grabbing her things and standing up. "Let's go, I'm taking you home."

"Alice, no, I can make it through this." I insisted, pulling at her sweater.

"Sit down Alice," Edward suddenly said, making us both quiet. "You need to stay, considering I've taken this class before, I should probably be the one to take her home. You take good notes for her."

Taken this class before? I was confused and it made me feel dizzy. Whoops, maybe that was just me without the confusion. I was suddenly very sure Alice was right, I needed to go home. Now.

I allowed Edward to pull me across campus to his Volvo without a word, my body hurt and I was freezing cold. I shivered in the passenger seat as Edward drove to my house. He was completely silent until we pulled into the driveway.

"Thanks Edwar-" I started to turn and say goodbye, but he was already out of the car and coming for me.

"Is your Dad home?" He asked. I shook my head.

He sighed, "Bella, just let me come in and get you settled, please?" He actually looked worried. I began to think I looked worse than I thought so I nodded weakly and let him follow me into my house. He glanced around briefly. "Where is your room?" He demanded. I pointed upstairs, falling heavily onto the couch.

He was back at my side in a moment. He had carried down a comforter and two pillows for me. He gently put the pillows under my head and tucked me in. I wanted to say thank you, but I suddenly couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

I woke up only an hour later and I felt even worse. I moaned, putting my hand to my head.

"How are you feeling?" asked a low, smooth voice.

I sat up immediately, and turned towards the other couch. "Edward!" I exclaimed groggily. "What are you still doing here?"

He looked embarrassed for a moment. "I couldn't find any flu medicine here so I thought I should go get you some, and when I got back you looked in such bad shape I didn't want to just leave you…" he trailed off, suddenly very interested in the TV, which was turned so low down it might as well been on mute.

"I didn't need anything." I said unconvincingly.

He chuckled and nodded, getting up and coming back with the bottle of Nyquil and a spoon. I took a couple tablespoons and after 5 minutes, I was back in a dreamless sleep, this time for the rest of the day and night.

I woke up the next morning feeling much better, but not completely healthy.

"Bells? Charlie was knocking on the door lightly.

"Yeah Dad, come in, I'm up." I sat myself upright as Charlie came into my room, his forehead creased with worry.

"You look much better." He commented, looking me over with relief. "When I got home that boy was here and you looked like death itself lying on that couch."

Edward was still here when Charlie got home? I blinked, trying to remember what time I had fallen asleep that last time. It had to have been around two in the afternoon and Charlie didn't usually get home until well after six. I felt of rush of guilt run through me. Edward had stayed.

"What time did Edward leave Dad? I didn't even know he was here." I kept my face blank.

"Right after I got in." Charlie said. "He told me he got you home and he had some studying to do so he had figured he would just do it here to make sure you didn't wake up and need something." His gaze turned questioning. "Are you dating him or something?"

I shook my head. "He's Alice's brother, he was just doing her a favor so that she could get some work done. She's the one who wanted to bring me home." I was explaining it more to myself than to Charlie. That had to be the reason, I was sure of it.

Charlie nodded quickly; probably embarrassed he even asked me the question. "Alright Bella, you should probably take it easy today. I stayed home until you woke up to make sure you were okay, but I need to get to work now."

"You didn't have to do that Dad, but thank you. I'll probably skip class and just bum around here all day, maybe go to Alice's later to catch up on the notes I missed yesterday." I said.

After Charlie left I lay back down and then quickly sat back up. According to my clock it was almost 10 am, I wouldn't have been able to make it to class anyway, but I felt restless without having anything to do and Alice wouldn't be done with classes for a few more hours.

I brushed my teeth and hopped in the shower, hoping it would take away some of the soreness I felt in my muscles and clear my head. I stayed under the stream of hot water for a long while, massaging my scalp. Slowly my aches began to disappear and I finally got out. I threw on a long over-sized black t-shirt that hung to my knees and sat down at my computer desk to do some research on a paper I had due in a couple weeks. I was just about to log onto the internet when I heard on knock on the front door.

I got up and headed downstairs, slightly annoyed. I threw open the door. If it were somebody trying to sell somethi-

It was Edward.

I froze, staring with my mouth open, suddenly painfully aware of what I looked like, and even more aware of how good _he_ looked.

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling?" He asked. His tone was polite but I could see his eyes take me in and amusement lit up his face.

"Uh. Fine." I answered, my face flushing hot. "I'm feeling a lot better, thank you."

He stepped forward as if to come in and I opened the door wider, stumbling backwards a little. This time he couldn't help but laugh out loud, which only made my face heat up even more. Why did I have to be so human sometimes?

"I'm sorry; I was just getting out of the shower…" I trailed on, gesturing to my not-so-chic choice of clothing.

"I see that." He said, still smiling.

I sat down on the couch lightly and he did the same, never taking his eyes off of me. I suddenly felt a rush of butterflies and I cleared my throat, trying to find some words.

"Thank so much for yesterday," I finally got out, proud at how clear my voice sounded. "I'm so stubborn I would have never got the medicine on my own."

He shrugged, "It was no big deal, I didn't want Alice to have to stay here with you. She had a lot going on yesterday."

"Right." I said flatly, and I cringed as disappointment tinged the word. I hoped he didn't notice. I didn't even know why the feeling surged through me in the first place. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. "So, how long did you stay?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

He was silent was a second before he spoke. "Not too long after you feel asleep. I didn't know what time your Dad got back but I figured you'd be out for awhile so that you would be okay on your own."

Why was he lying? I finally met his never-ending gaze, and his deep eyes were clear. I opened my mouth to contradict him, but instead I just nodded and thanked him again instead. "Really, it was nice of you to do that."

"Bella," he cleared his throat and shifted his body slightly, his eyes still drilling into mine. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry again, for Jasper's party. I know you don't want to hear it, or maybe you just don't care, but I still want you to know that I know how horrid my behavior was and that I never meant to speak to you that way. Alice already considers you one of her best friends now, and I don't want our relationship to be this_ cold_."

Suddenly I realized why he really stayed. He felt he owed me. It made perfect sense now.

I broke away from his gaze and looked down at Charlie's shaggy taupe carpeting. "I appreciate the apology Edward," I said quietly. "I apologize as well for not doing it sooner. I can be a little stubborn sometimes." I looked up, smiling to show him I meant it.

"Good," he said, looking pleased. "I'd hate to think of my sister's future maid of honor and best man disliking each other so much."

I laughed, surprised. "You really think that's going to happen?"

"I don't how it can't. I've never known two people so meant for each other." He shook his head. "I don't think either of them will be giving the other one up anytime soon."

I sighed involuntarily. "I guess you're probably right. I just still feel so _young_ sometimes. All of that seems so far away, for me at least."

Edward just nodded, seemingly in agreement. Finally after a few more minutes, he got up to leave. I stood up as well and walked to the door to let him out. As I watched him get into his car, I realized he never actually explained his attitude that night. I suddenly felt frustrated all over again.

***

Thanksgiving came and went. My classes were beginning to wear me out a bit as the countdown to finals began. I still spent plenty of time with my friends, but most of it was to study. I was starting to miss Renee more and more, and I spoke with her on the phone at least twice a week now. Apparently Phil had meant a retired actor who was willing to partner up with him and open up a club in LA. Renee was over the moon.

"Oh honey, it's just so wonderful." She gushed to me one night.

"That's great Mom, really." I said, trimming my fingernails. "How are things going for you though?"

She paused, and I could tell she was trying to think of a lie to make up. My mother would never lie to me to hurt me, but she was always hiding what she called "ugly truths" from me, ever since I was little. It bothered me, especially now that I was eighteen and more than old enough to get honest answers from my own Mom.

"Things are going. I've been to some auditions. I haven't gotten a call back, but the more you go, the more jobs you get."

"Well I'm sure once Phil gets this club going you're going to meet all kinds of people." I said, trying to be optimistic for her.

"That's right. Absolutely right." She said, more to herself then to me. I wanted to hug her.

Eventually the studying became overwhelming. I knew I was trying too hard and that I probably didn't need to be burning myself out for nothing, but I wanted to do well. I put my books down and looked out my window, grimacing as I saw the blanket of new snow that had fallen today, however the roads were plowed and the snow had stopped so I had no excuses. I picked up my phone. It was a Saturday night and I needed to unwind.

"Hey Bella." Alice answered lazily.

"Hi Alice, what are you up too?"

"Jasper and I are just watching a movie. I'm guessing you're studying?" she asked. "Do you want to take a break or something?"

"That'd be great," I sighed. "I'm exhausted; I can't look at another text book."

"Great!" she said. "Why don't you head to Jasper's? We'll figure out what to do from there."

After we hung up I wandered to my closet, fished out a fitted tan sweater, put my heavy down coat on, and threw some brown fur-lined boots over my jeans. It was freezing cold outside and I ran out to my car as fast as possible, slipping on an ice patch. I caught myself on my car, growling under my breath. I jumped in and turned on the heat full blast. I sat there shivering for a minute before I threw the car in drive. California was looking pretty good right about now.

When I got to Jasper's, Alice was in the kitchen making what looked like hot chocolate. There were a few thermoses lined up on the kitchen counter. I could hear Jasper's radio on in his room.

"What's that for." I asked, shrugging out of my jacket and plopping myself down at the kitchen table.

Alice looked at me over her shoulder, flashing me a brilliant smile.

"Well I called Rosalie, and her and Emmett were actually just about to call us to see if we wanted to go sledding…" she trailed off, studying my face for a reaction.

I didn't move an inch. I kept my face as still as possible so that she would keep talking.

"Anyway," she continued slowly, turning back towards her hot chocolate. "I thought it sounded like a great idea. There's enough snow on the ground and you've probably never done it before. It'll be fun."

After a long silence I finally leapt out of my chair. "Okay, Alice, sounds great. I'm going to go back home now but I'll see you tomorrow." I quickly threw my coat back on as Alice lunged for me.

"Come _on_ Bella, don't be like this." She pleaded with me. "How do you know you're going to hate it until you try it? I mean really, you are just too dramatic."

I could hear Jasper laughing as he walked into the kitchen and I was slightly surprised to see Edward follow him out. They were bundled up from head to toe. "You both look ridiculous." I snapped at them. "This is a ridiculous idea."

Just then Emmett came bounding through the door. Shortly after Rosalie, Tanya, Irina, and Irina's sister Kate followed behind them, looking flushed and excited. What was wrong with these people? I thought to myself. "You are all crazy." I said out loud.

"Uh-oh looks like Bella is throwing some sunshine state hissy fit." Emmett said cheerfully. I glared at him. "You're not in Florida anymore Bella, let's _do_ this." He pumped his fist in the air.

Rosalie threw a bag of clothes on the table in front of me. I fixed my icy look on her before I scanned through the bag. A hat, mittens, a scarf, and some tight looking pants that I could only guess were some sort of thermal underwear. I snorted as I pushed the bag away. My eyes caught Edward's, who looked like he was enjoying this way too much.

"I don't like snow either Bella." Irina said gently, trying to be convincing. "Sledding is fun though. You won't even get cold with all of this on."

I rolled my eyes but as I looked around me and saw everybody's excitement I couldn't help but feel a little curious. I knew that hurtling down some snowy wet hill was not a good idea for me, but at this point I would do just about anything to get away from my text books. I shot Alice another dirty look, grabbed the bag, and went to Jasper's bathroom to change.

We piled into two different cars. I avoided driving with Emmett in his big green Jeep, thinking that he would be a little too erratic of a driver for my taste. Instead I got into Edward's silver Volvo with Alice and Jasper. It took all of five minutes to regret this decision.

"You are a _maniac_." I yelled at him, panic in my voice. "Slow down!"

Edward was going at least 85mph down Lake Michigan Drive, a 55 mph road. He was hitting every turn and curve so hard I was flying into the passenger side door with a shriek. Alice and Jasper were laughing in the back, enjoying every second.

"Bella, relax." Edward said, and I felt terror run through me as he turned his head towards me with a smirk on his face. "I'm a great dri-"

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD." I demanded, covering my face with my mitten-clad hands. "I swear Edward Cullen if you do not slow down I am going to _hurt_ you." I tried to say it so it was believable, but it came out as a weak yelp.

Finally he sighed in my direction. Seeing me hiding my face from impending death must have made him feel bad because he began inching back on the gas pedal, muttering something about me being a baby. I calmed down as the needle inched down towards sixty, ignoring Alice and Jasper snickering at me in the backseat.

When we finally got to the park, I got out of the car quickly, my legs feeling like jelly.

"This should be a piece of cake after _that_." I said in Edward's direction. He grinned at me, putting a blue nylon hat on his head and over his ears, and walked to Emmett's truck to help him grab the sleds out of the back.

I stood there surveying the area. Everybody did look like they were having fun, much to my annoyance. There were families everywhere, and I finally had a break a smile when I saw two young boys in matching green snowsuits having a snowball fight and bursting into fits of giggles every few moments.

The whole group headed to a clustering of hills on the west end of the park. They didn't look so scary, I thought myself. Maybe I could actually do this.

We finally reached the top of a hill that didn't have too much traffic on it. Emmett excitedly grabbed the largest sled and threw himself on it, belly down. Rosalie laughed as she struggled to push him and finally he began sliding on his own. He reached the bottom with no problems.

Alice and Jasper were next. They doubled up on a sled, Jasper sitting behind Alice and putting his arms tightly around her. Tanya rushed forward to push them. About half-way down they tipped over, and Alice began laughing so hard I thought she was wouldn't be able to get back up.

"So, does this look so bad?" Edward teased, coming up next to me.

I pushed his arm playfully. "Yeah well if you're so tough why don't you get on a sled next?" I challenged him.

He immediately jumped onto a red plastic circular saucer looking thing, sitting cross legged and holding on to the front. He turned back towards me. "C'mon Bella, I need a push."

I grabbed the back of the saucer, with the intent of shoving it downhill as hard as possible. Instead I felt my legs fly forward and I landed on my behind, the pain rushing up my back. "Ow!" I cried out, blushing with anger as everybody started laughing. Edward, trying hard to suppress his own laughter, stood up in his saucer to help me up. When he grabbed my arm I tugged on him, pulling him down with me.

"Bella!" he cried, and I shrieked as he lunged at me, trying to push me further down into the snow. I heard a whoosh of air as a snowball hit the back of his head with excellent precision. I looked up to see Rosalie with a very pleased look on her face.

I struggled to get up as Edward started to roll his own menacing snow ball, and I slipped again when it hit me in the shoulder. Next thing I knew everybody was in on the snow ball fight, with Kate and Irina jumping onto sleds to escape the war at the bottom of the hill. I did the same, and immediately regretted the decision as I realized my sled was heading right for somebody else's.

As my sled collided with the other person, they went flying to the left and I ended up on my stomach a few steps away. I wasn't hurt, but I was most definitely embarrassed. I got up quickly to make sure the other person was okay, and I started to laugh and I realized who it was that I hit.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, holding out my hand for him to take.

"My goodness Bella, you are lethal!" He said, chuckling as he stood up. "Actually I'm surprised I didn't send you flying all the way back to Florida, as little as you are."

"Bella!" I heard Alice call from the top of the hill. "Are you okay?"

I shot her a thumbs up before I turned back to Jacob.

"What a coincidence. What brings you out here?" I asked him, taking off my hat to shake the snow out of my hair.

"I'm with Sam and a few other friends. He's been chasing after this Leah girl, who I cannot _stand_, but I tagged along anyway. I love winter weather."

I stuck out my tongue in disgust and he laughed, looking past my shoulder. "Uh-oh, is that your boyfriend or something?" he asked.

I spun around to see what he meant. Edward was heading down the hill on foot towards us, looking a little peeved.

"Uh, no it's not." I said, still turned around watching him. "I don't know what his deal is."

When Edward finally reached us his face was contorted in anger. "What is your problem?" he shot at Jacob.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob straightened his stance so that the entirety of his height was in view. This didn't seem to phase Edward one bit.

"You think you could watch what you're doing? You could have really hurt her." Edward took a step forward and my eyes went wide.

"Um, Edward. It's no big deal. We're both fine, and I know him. This is Jacob, he's a friend." I assured him, shooting an apologetic look at Jacob.

"Well tell your _friend_ to watch where he's going next time." Edward spat, turning around quickly and heading back up the hill.

I shrugged at Jacob mouthing 'sorry' to him as I turned to follow Edward up. He didn't say a word to me, and I kept quiet, trying to calm the anger that was bubbling up inside me. Why did he have to make it good again just to mess it all up? I wondered, feeling my face heat up.

Alice was staring at us with a worried expression in her eyes when we reached the group again. They were all still laughing about their snow ball fight but Alice and Jasper seemed to have noticed what had just happened. I shook my head when Alice started to make her way towards me and she stopped in her tracks, fidgeting a little. We both watched Edward as he stomped back to his car. There was a wooden bench that had been cleared of snow and I slammed myself down, throwing my arms over my chest.

Alice came and set next to me and I started to unload on her.

"He came down there and started yelling at him Alice!" I yelled heatedly. "It was my friend and that was embarrassing."

Alice bit her lip, not sure what to say.

"I mean who does your brother think he is?" I asked, turning to her. "First he freaks out on me at Jasper's, then he comes over claiming to want to be friends, and now he's yelling at my friends? His mood swings are too much. Alice I know he's your brother but he makes me _so_ angry."

Alice was looking at me, a little shocked. "When did he come over your house?" she asked me.

"After I was sick and he took me home. He came by the next day to see if I was alright, and then kept apologizing to me about Jasper's. He said he didn't want our relationship to be so_ cold._" I said, a sarcastic bite to my voice. "Too bad he can't control his temper."

Alice was staring at me, looking slightly confused. "Bella, listen, I can't give you any excuses for his behavior, but I can say that he _is_ a good guy."

I snorted, and then felt a little guilty. This was her brother; I didn't want this to affect my friendship with Alice. I sat there a little while longer then finally turned back to her.

"Listen Alice, it's no big deal. I can get along with him. I just don't think him and I will ever be friends, but I don't want to hurt our relationship."

Alice threw me into a hug, "Bella, don't worry about that. I might not be able to say any negative about Edward, but I do understand. Let's just forget about it for now okay? This was supposed to be fun."

I nodded and we got up, ready for more sledding and snow, but every once in awhile I couldn't help but glance back at the parking lot to the Volvo, where Edward sat the entire rest of the night.

***

Final exams came and went in a flurry. Although I had planned to visit Renee and Phil in California, I decided at the last moment to cancel. There was a snowstorm making its way across the country and the thought of being a stranded traveler made my stomach hurt. I spent Christmas Day with Charlie instead, eating chicken nuggets and exchanging gifts.

"Thanks Bella, this is great." He said, holding up the George Foreman grille I had bought for him. He had proven to me over the last few months that he was completely incapable of cooking anything that didn't come in a box, so I figured this would help him on the nights I wasn't home to make dinner. How he managed before me was still a mystery that I didn't want an explanation for.

"It's really easy Dad, I promise. I'll show you how to use it."

He handed over my gift. It was a small unwrapped box. I couldn't imagine what it could be and I carefully opened it and gasped as I saw the tiny necklace inside.

"Wow. Dad, it's beautiful, thank you." I said quietly, trying to fight back tears. It was a small but sparking diamond hanging by a delicate silver chain. Nobody had ever given me anything like this before, and I stayed quiet, knowing how uncomfortable Charlie would be if I started to cry. I quickly put it on and smiled warmly at him.

"It's nothing Bella, really." He said, turning red. "I just noticed you didn't have any nice jewelry and I saw this. It's pretty, but it's not too much. You know, I know you don't like to be flashy…" he ended it there and before he could back away, I lunged forward to hug him, letting one tear slip.

***

Alice and Edward's parents had decided to throw a large New Years Eve party in Downtown Grand Rapids. Since I had decided to stay in town and Rosalie and Emmett's family's lived fairly close and they could make it back by then, Alice had invited us all to stay with them at the Amway Grand Plaza Hotel, letting us know that the cost would be covered. I refused in the beginning, but refusing Alice is not something one does easily, and eventually I agreed with the condition that I would be put in a standard room. According to Rosalie the Cullen's were extremely rich and influential, but also very kind and generous. Alice and Edward's father Carlisle was a Doctor and their mother Esme was a famous interior designer, Rosalie had shown me some of the articles about her various magazines Alice had saved.

Predictably, Alice had forced me to the mall with her a week prior to the event, citing that the dinner was formal and we needed to find dresses to wear. Rosalie opted out, citing she already had a perfect dress and needed to instead get her hair and nails done.

"Bella!" I heard Alice cry from across the women's department at Macy's. "I found it!"

I trudged over in the direction of her voice. We had already been here for over an hour and I was tired. "This one better be _it_ Alice."

I found her standing among a rainbow of clothing, holding up a deep blue halter style knee-length dress. It was definitely beautiful, and I realized quickly that she had meant this dress to be for me.

"Alice, why can't I just go with that black one we found earlier?" I whined. This dress was too gorgeous; it belonged on Rosalie, not me. I was sure to feel uncomfortable in it. It was sleeveless for goodness sake; did she think this was July?

"Bella please explain to me how_ black _emphasizes your amazing hair and eye color? Oh right, it doesn't." Alice said, stomping her foot. "You are buying this dress."

I sighed, reaching out to touch the soft fabric. "Well then, I guess we're going to have to get some really fabulous shoes." I said, giving in.

Alice danced around happily, immediately pulling me towards that very department. I stood in the middle of the dozens of designer shoes, watching helplessly as Alice pulled the poor salesman around by his arm, trying to find exactly what she, or I suppose I, wanted.

After roughly 20 minutes of this, Alice sulked back to me, "They don't have the right shade of blue Bella, we're going to have to get some shoes dyed."

"Alice!" I exclaimed, shaking my head. "It's not like we're going to Prom again, it's a New Years party. Let me just get the black dress an-"

"You went to Prom?" Alice asked incredulously, interrupting me mid-sentence.

"Well, no…" I trailed off.

"Bella! This is not just a regular party. This. Is. An. _Event_." I could tell she was getting a little frustrated with me, and I honestly did feel bad. I wasn't trying to push her parent's party aside, but I couldn't _make _myself care about dresses and shoes.

Finally I decided to just go along with the condition that she get the shoes for me and I would pay her back. I was not about to spend an hour trying to match a dye color to some dress. She jumped up and down, kissing me swiftly on the cheek. "Done and done! Bella you are going to look amazing. Now, time for me."

This was going to be a long day.

****

We all checked into the hotel in the morning before the incoming snow storm could hurt travel. Grand Rapids was only a 10 minute drive, but we were bracing for white out conditions and wanted to avoid them if at all possible.

I couldn't believe how gorgeous the Amway Grand was. It was not only a hotel, but a shopping mall, banquet center, fitness center, and also boasted three four star restaurants. I had never been anywhere this nice in my life, and I was sure I would never forget it.

We all had rooms on the same floor. Rosalie and Emmett were on one side of me and Edward was on the other, which annoyed me to no end. Our rooms were old-fashioned and all decorated differently from what I could tell. Mine was blue and gold with a four poster bed and a large two-pane window. I was relived to see Rose and Emmett's bed was on the opposite wall to my room, for obvious reasons. At least I knew I would be able to get some sleep this weekend.

I made my way down to Alice's room, which perfectly suited her and I was sure she had picked it out before coming here. It was a soft green, with beautifully hard-carved and painted stark white furniture, complete with a large vanity, which she had already situated herself in front of.

For the rest of the day Alice, Rosalie, and I got ready in Alice's room while the guys played pool in the hotel's rec room.

"How do I look?" Alice asked sweetly, coming out of the bathroom spinning.

"Fantastic Alice." Rosalie smiled at her and I nodded in agreement. She did look amazing. She was wearing a little red dress with spaghetti straps, a ruched-waist, and silver heels. Her hair was curled and pinned back with a large silver rhinestone clip.

Rosalie was next, emerging from the oversized bathroom looking like a model. After several debates with Alice, she had chosen a strapless silk deep pink dress that flowed around her amazing legs perfectly. She adorned her feet with rhinestone studded strappy heels to match.

When they were finished getting ready they both turned to me. I had so far allowed Rosalie to straighten my hair, which I had never done before, but since then I had been sitting quietly on the bed.

"Okay Bella," Alice said, hands on her hips. "You're hair looks great, but we really need to finish you up. We only have a half hour until dinner."

They went to work on my face, even attacking me with an eyelash curler, which I refused.

"Enough!" I cried out when Alice started in on my eyebrows with some sort of pencil. "My eyebrows are fine Alice; just let me put on the dress." I got up, grabbing the dress from where it was laid out on the bed.

When I got out of the bathroom Alice and Rosalie both stood up, looking like they were about to applaud. I rolled my eyes when I saw that Alice was actually tearing up. They were too much.

"Bella you look stunning." Rosalie grinned.

Alice came forward with the shoes and my jaw fell open. "I can't wear these Alice! I'm going to fall flat on my face!" I cried, peering at the high heels with far too many straps of fabric on them. They looked almost like Rosalie's minus the rhinestones, and there was no _way _I would make it through the night in an upright position. There was nothing I could do about it now, I realized. I sighed and put them on my feet, at least happy that they seemed comfortable.

We eventually made our way down the elevators to the lower floor where the party was being held. I had yet to meet Alice's parents and I was excited to finally get to know them, from what I had been hearing up until this point they were extraordinary people.

When we walked into the hall I couldn't believe the scope of it. There were probably enough seats for 200 or more people, and the space was decorated beautifully. The theme was black and silver, in general New Years tradition, but Esme had done it with a lot of class, instead of throwing around glitter and confetti. Everything was so _elegant_.

I was staring around me and spinning to get a better look at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling when I realized Edward was standing no more then 10 feet in front of me, watching my every move.

I froze in place, unable to tear my eyes away from his. He looked incredible in his suit and his face was intense, his eyes almost sad. I again felt a need to reach out to him. He took a step toward me and my heart skipped a beat. Without realizing I did it, I had taken a step towards him as well.

"Bella!" Alice called suddenly and my eyes broke away from Edward's face, glancing in her direction. She was walking quickly toward me until she saw me and Edward's stances, then she stopped short, her mouth slightly open, looking back and forth at us.

I looked at Edward one more time, his eyes were now dead, and he turned briskly and walked towards a group of people who had just arrived. I blinked, turning towards Alice, who was staring after Edward. I cleared my throat and shot her a wavering smile. "What's up Alice?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Uhm, I wanted you to meet my parents." She looked at me as if she couldn't decide whether to say anything else or not.

"Let's go then." I said, grabbing her hand and suddenly feeling for the first time in my life like I needed a drink.

Alice led me over to probably the handsomest couple I had ever seen. Carlisle was blonde and tall, with the same features and green eyes as Edward. Esme was petite like Alice, with light brown hair pinned up like an actress in the 1920's would have done. She was absolutely timeless.

"Mom, Dad, this is Bella." Alice gestured to me and her mother took my hand lightly.

"I'm Esme. It's so good to meet you Bella." She said warmly. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." I said shyly. "This is exquisite and I just want to say thank you for having me." I looked at both Esme and Carlise with a smile.

"Alice is very fond of you Bella." Carlisle said kindly. "If she considers you family already then we consider you family."

Alice and I chatted with her parents for a few moments before they had to greet another group of guests. We wandered over to the table that Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie were sitting at. Rose had a glass of champagne and I looked around desperately for another one. I had finally gotten control over my outside appearance, but inside I was barely keeping it together. I couldn't understand the feelings I was feeling and now that Edward had disappeared I felt completely lost.

"You're drinking Bella?" Alice asked with surprise in her voice when I had finally located a waiter walking by with a tray full of champagne.

I looked at her, pursing my lips, and nodded, letting my emotions across my face just long enough that she could see how wound up I was. She bit her lip, but didn't say anything after that.

Once dinner began and I had been through my first glass I felt myself calm down considerably, and I began laughing along with the rest of my friends. Edward had reappeared just prior to dinner, but had sat down at another table with his parents. Out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing Esme place her hand on Edward's arm and look at him with raw emotion. It was touching how much they seemed to openly love each other.

Edward had seemed to relax as well and occasionally our eyes would meet. I began to feel fidgety and I reached for another glass of champagne just as dinner was ending and the music began. There was still two hours left until midnight.

Suddenly I felt somebody tap me on the shoulder and I turned around to see Jasper standing there, a faint smile on his face.

"May I have this dance Bella?" He asked politely, extending his hand.

I laughed as I took it. "Did Alice put you up to this?" I asked him as we began to dance. I tried my hardest to do well but I wasn't a very good dancer and I crushed his foot a couple times with my heel.

"She did not." He lied, ignoring the pain that must've been shooting through his foot. "You are the most beautiful girl here tonight, next too Alice of course, and I had to at least say I stole one dance."

I sighed, knowing full well that Alice had done this to take my mind off Edward. I glanced passed Jasper and noticed Edward sitting right off of the dance floor, his eyes on us.

"Jasper, I need something here." I turned my pleading eyes on him. "I can't take this."

He glanced down at me, frowning a little. He spun me further away from Edward, not even stopping when I slammed down on his foot hard enough to draw blood. "Whoops." I muttered.

"Bella, Edward is a good person but he's complicated. He has…a past." He tried to explain. "He is just trying to get over things that have happened in the last couple of years and I think he doesn't want to involve anybody in that, even if he…cares for them."

I blinked. Cares for them? Did he mean for me? My head was swimming and as the music ended I mouthed "thank you" to Jasper and walked away in search of another glass of champagne. After finding one I sat down with Rosalie and Emmett.

"Bella!" Emmett poked my side, "I'm not going to lie. You look _good_." He grinned widely as Rosalie pinched his arm.

"Honestly Emmett, do you have no decency? If you're going to make some meat-head comments at least tell her she looks _beautiful_." Rosalie rolled her eyes at him, but smiled at me.

"Are you doing okay?" She asked, "You've had about 3 glasses of champagne and I never see you drink."

I blew it off. "Oh I'm fine Rose, honestly. I still drink on special occasions, I'm not completely lame."

"Not looking like that you're not!" Emmett hooted and hollered until Rosalie grabbed his arm and yanked him to the dance floor, where he still continued to wiggle his eyebrows at me from afar. I couldn't help but break into a smile, Emmett was refreshing.

I looked down at my champagne glass and tried relax.

I looked up after a lon while when I heard a chair moving, and my heart flipped when I saw it was Edward, sitting down across the table from me. He watched me as I nervously took a drink out of my glass and then set it aside.

"You don't drink." He said, his voice flat.

"I _do _drink when I get worked up." I said to him pointedly, hoping my honesty would force some honesty out of him in return.

He searched my face for a moment and I guessed he was trying to think of something to say to me. I tried to control my features, looking at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Bella," he started, pausing for another moment. "I'm not going to apologize to you again for my temper, because I know it means nothing at this point. What I do want to do is be honest with you, but I don't know if I'm ready to tell you everything yet." He twisted his perfect mouth into something resembling a smile. "What I can tell you is that I think you are amazing, and I can't keep my eyes off of you tonight." He raised his eyes to mine and my heart went wild.

"You don't have to say anything now." He said when I continued to stare at him without a word. He began to look worried, as if he was expecting a different reaction, either that or he was slowly realizing I had gone brain dead.

"Edward," I took a deep breath to steady myself. "I had no idea you felt that way. I can't-I can't sort through my feelings when I don't have the answers I need. One minute you're angry for no reason and the next you have feelings for me. I_ can_ tell you that I think about you a lot, but beyond that I just, I don't…" I didn't know what else to say. I suddenly felt deflated and I let out a frustrated sigh.

Edward was staring at Alice and Jasper dancing, his face free of any emotion. We were silent for a long while.

Finally the countdown to the New Year began. Edward and I rose to our feet simultaneously, joining our friends out on the large dance floor. I plastered a smile on my face as Alice grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly before letting go and putting her small arms around Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett were facing each other, no doubt preparing for an embarrassing tongue-swap, and Edward stood perfectly still next to me, I felt like the heat of his body was going to set me on fire. I took a deep breath, leaning away from him.

"_Five, four, three, two, one_…" as the crowd began to cheer I suddenly felt a rush of air as Edward pulled me into his arms and lifted my chin, bringing his lips to mine fiercely. I melted into his embrace, allowing him to part my lips with his tongue as I involuntarily brought my hands up, tangling my fingers in his hair. My hands reached the back of his neck and he pressed his body against mine. I shuddered from pleasure, wanting more, but suddenly it was over and he had stepped away from me, pushing me back gently by my arms. Our eyes were locked and our faces both flushed.

"Happy New Year." he said in a husky voice, pulling me close again.


	2. Part II

**The rest of the sections of the story won't be as long as the first. I had a surge of energy with Part I that probably won't be happening again. Thanks to everybody for the reviews!**

**Soundtrack:**

**Joshua Radin - The Fear You Won't Fall**

**Tom Petty - Square One**

**Ray Lamontagne - Hold You In My Arms**

* * *

II.

Edward finally broke his gaze away, letting his arms drop at his sides. I saw Emmett and Rosalie out of the corning of my eye, frozen in place, their jaws both hanging open. I turned and saw the same reaction coming from Alice and Jasper. My face became hot and I lowered my eyes to the ground.

Thankfully, Esme and Carlisle had missed our little show and rushed towards our group a moment later, giving us all hugs and wishing up a happy new year. Carlisle kissed Alice on the forehead, forcing her to regain her composure. Esme then turned to Edward and brought him in for a long embrace, whispering something into his ear. He smiled lightly at her as he pulled back. He nodded once and they disappeared from the crowd, out of my view. I backed up slowly and sat down at the nearest table, realizing how shaky I was. I reached for a half empty glass of champagne and drank it in one big gulp as I watched Alice and Rosalie make their way over to me.

"Bella," Alice said, both of them sitting on either side of me, "_what_ was that?"

I put my hands up to show her I was as confused at she was. "Alice I honestly don't know. I didn't know, how _was_ I supposed to know he felt that way towards me?" The words came pouring out. "He told me he couldn't take his eyes of me, and I didn't know what to say Alice. Then that…" I gestured towards the dance floor. "He just grabbed me and kissed me…" I kept trailing off, looking between both of my friends.

"You kissed him back." Rosalie pointed out.

"Yes. I did, I kissed him back." I agreed, putting my head between my hands. "I kissed him back and I didn't want him to stop." At this, I looked up at Alice, waiting for her reaction. She sighed, and to my surprise, she smiled.

"Bella, he's my brother and I love him and I love you too. You could be the one to change his life around." She said it as if it were a fact, causing my eyes to widen. "I suspected that he had feelings for you long before this, but I _never_ thought he would act on it, and I wasn't sure if you felt the same. You were always _so _angry at him." She rolled her eyes.

"Alice I'm not sure I'm _not _angry at him." I admitted. "I'm not sure of anything right now. How can I feel any certain way towards him when I know that I don't even know who he really is?"

Alice and Rosalie both became quiet. I was desperate to know what they were really thinking. I knew there something about Edward he didn't feel comfortable telling me about, and the thought made me feel uneasy. If Alice kept it from me, I realized, it must be big.

"Come on Bella," Alice said, suddenly springing to her feet with enthusiasm. "We are totally snowed in here, let's get something comfortable on and check out a movie from the front desk."

I smiled at her, grateful at her attempt to take my mind of this, but I didn't think a movie stuck in between Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett would work for me right now. "I think I'm going to get to bed Alice," I said apologetically. "I'm exhausted."

She stuck out her lower lip but didn't seem too disappointed. I was sure she was more or less happy with just her and Jasper watching a movie.

When we realized that Emmett and Rose had already bounded back to their room, to do what I could only guess, we waited for Esme to return so we could say our final goodnights. After another ten minutes, she did reappear. I blinked back disappointment when I realized Edward was no longer with her.

"Did you have a good time Bella?" Esme asked me as she approached.

I nodded, "I did, thank you so much again for everything. It's been an amazing night." If only she knew.

Suddenly her eyes became emotional and she reached out to put her hand on my arm, the expression on her beautiful face soft. "Bella, please be patient with my son. He's always trying to be a hero, trying to deal with everything on his own. I hope that you'll fight to make him let you in. It will be worth it, I can promise you that."

I gulped and nodded stupidly. Maybe she _did _know. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Carlisle, who was looking away politely, letting his wife have this moment with me. Alice suddenly lightly skipped, with her arms outstretched, into her mother's arms. I sighed gratefully as she saved me from having to form a coherent response.

After saying goodnight to Carlisle as well, I got into the elevator with Jasper and Alice, my eyelids starting to droop. I was leaving heavily against the side of the glass, ready to shut off my mind and get some rest.

When we got to my room both Jasper and Alice scooped me up in warm hugs, Jasper kissing my cheek lightly. After watching him and Alice go down the hall hand in hand, I turned and entered my room, quickly stripping off my dress and heels. I pulled a pair of sweatpants and a plain white tank top of out of my small overnight bag and put them on slowly, groaning as the muffled sounds of Emmett, Rose, and a squeaking bed frame began to trickle through the wall. I walked quickly towards the bathroom, hoping Emmett's confidence was to make up for something he lacked and that they would be finished soon.

When I got there I barely recognized the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I worked at scrubbing the makeup off my face until my skin was raw and pink.

"Dang waterproof eyeliner!" I huffed, throwing the bottle of makeup remover into the sink as hard as I could, immediately thanking the manufacturer for putting their product in a plastic container. Finally, before I could stop myself, I was sinking down onto the bathroom floor with tears running down my face. I cursed the champagne. Edward too.

Just as I thought his name I heard at light knock on my door. I jumped up, wiping my tears away quickly and cleaning my hands off on my grey cotton pants. I walked towards the door and hesitated as I looked through the peephole and saw Edward there. My heart jumped in my chest as I slowly opened the door.

"Can I come in Bella?" he asked softly, frustrating me as he lowered his eyes from mine.

I took a step back, letting him know it was okay. I stood awkwardly in the middle of my room, my hands at my side. I waited for him to speak but he just sat on my bed quietly. His bronze hair was wilder than usual, as if he had been pulling at it, and his face was sallow. Did_ I_ have this effect on him?

"Edward," I said impatiently when I couldn't take the silence anymore. "Why did you come here if you're not even going to talk?"

He looked up at me, his lips twisting upwards. "I was waiting for you to say something Bella."

I put my hands on my hips and placed my weight on one leg to show him that was completely unacceptable. _He_ admitted his feelings for me,_ he_ kissed me. I may have reciprocated the act, but there was no way he was going to get out of this.

I went even crazier when he got up and started to pace back and forth, stopping only when he heard the sounds going on next door. Without warning, he started to laugh wildly.

"Edward! You are driving me insane. What is your deal?" I was getting mad now. It was completely unfair of him to do this. I needed something from him and instead he was acting half crazy.

"You kissed me back." He finally said, his face suddenly serious again.

"Yes, I think everybody has established that." I snapped. He winced and I instantly softened my tone. "Edward, I just don't get this. You won't explain anything to me.

"What do you want to know Bella?" he asked tightly, sitting back down on the bed, his voice nearing the edge of anger. "Do you want to know my past? Why I get irritated so easily? Why I'm such a _mess_?" he was talking fast now, his eyes cold. "Do you want to know Bella, why I had to leave school? You know, it's not so easy to study when you're too busy snorting cocaine up your nose and emptying fifths of liquor into your stomach. It's not so easy to make it to classes when you can't even stand up straight. When you wake up at four in the afternoon wondering how it is you're still _alive_."

I was frozen in place, my eyes wide in disbelief, and he clenched his teeth when he saw the expression on my face.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to lose yourself - to completely _go away_? To look in the mirror and not even recognize who you are? I'm twenty-one years old and I feel like an old man Bella. I let myself go, and I hurt my family. I hurt Alice, literally. Do you want to hear about that too?"

I didn't think I did, but I couldn't speak. My voice was caught in the back of my throat.

"I hit her." He said bluntly, studying my face for a reaction. I was careful not to give one, but inside my stomach rolled over on itself. "She was trying to reason with me, trying to help me, and I hit her. The next day, when I remembered what I had done and I saw the bruise on her face and on her arm from where I had grabbed her, I called my parents and asked them to come get me. I checked into a rehab center two days later." His shoulders slumped forward and he looked down miserably.

"Why?" I choked out. He didn't look up as he answered my question.

"It started before here; I guess it probably started my senior year of high school. I had spent so many years trying to be the portrait of perfection. I got good grades, I excelled at just about every sport, and I hung out right the right people, dated the right girls…" as he trailed off I felt a knot in my stomach at the word _girls_. "Of course, you come to find out the right people weren't ever right for you at all. You find out that everything is bound to fall down sometime or another. Sooner or later we all found out how rich we were, how_ important_ we were, and how easily we could get away with things."

I waited as patiently as I could as he paused, struggling to find the right words.

"I started to drink heavily sometime near graduation. It was fun and it was_ normal _for us. The word 'excess' never crossed my mind. Eventually though, I began to grow temperamental. I started lashing out as my Mother – at Esme – the kindest woman on the face of the earth. I wouldn't listen to a word Carlisle had to say and I treated Alice like a parasite. Eventually I started to think I wasn't good enough for them, that I never had been. They started looking at me with such disappointment – I couldn't take it. That's when James, a friend of mine, introduced cocaine in my life. It made everything better, I felt amazing. When I moved here I was already waist-deep in my addictions."

He looked into my eyes and my arms were aching to hold him. He looked so vulnerable, so exhausted. I realized in that moment how much it had taken him to admit all of this to me, to remember it with such detail. He finally trusted me with his past and I vowed to handle it the best way I could. I slowly sat down next to him on the bed, our arms lightly touching.

"How long have you been sober?" I asked softly, staring at his hands, which he had tightened into fists.

"Next week will be eleven months." He said, "But it never goes away Bella. That night at Jasper's party he caught me going for a drink. That's why he told Alice I didn't feel well, that's why I was less than kind to you. Sometimes I just don't know if I can do this and I just wish everybody else would hate me as much as I hate myself and just let me give in."

I shifted to face him and he turned towards me in response. I put my hands over his fists, looking up into his beautiful eyes. "I don't hate you." I said firmly. His eyes burned and I leaned forward, bringing my lips to his.

It felt as good as it did the first time. It felt _right. _He reached for me, wrapping his arms around my body and I pressed tightly against him, our lips never separating. He pushed against me until I was lying down beneath him. I brought my hands underneath his shift and ran them up his back, causing a shudder to run through his body. I had never wanted somebody so badly in my life.

Suddenly, he was off of me. I sat up, confused. He was across the bed, panting, his eyes a mix of emotions.

"Bella if you want me the way I want you after knowing all of this, I won't be able to say no to you. I don't want you to get hurt, but I don't think I can turn back if you tell me you want me here."

Why would I get hurt if we both care about each other? What a ridiculous thought. I just couldn't understand it until I saw the look in his eyes shift. "You think you'll go back to is." I said flatly. It was a statement.

"I don't want too," Edward said earnestly, "but I can't promise you I won't Bella. I can't promise this isn't going to be a long and dark road. What kind of person am I if I bring you along with me?"

I paused, letting the idea sink in. It would be hard, that was a fact. I was getting myself into something big here, bigger than myself. I sighed as the feeling of his lips came rushing back to me and I shook my head at him with a timid smile. "You have no choice Edward. I want you here, with me."

His expression became soft and he laid back on the pillow, gesturing for me to come to him. I did, snuggling up against his side, feeling his warmth. I tried to stay away but my body was exhausted and as I drifted to sleep, I couldn't help but notice how my head fit perfectly in the nook of his arm.


	3. Part III

**Short and sweet. I've been sick. Hopefully this week I'll be feeling a bit more creative.**

**Soundtrack: **

**No Doubt - New**

* * *

I stretched, wincing slightly as I opened my eyes to the bright morning sunlight that had slipped through the curtains of my hotel room.

"Good morning Bella," came a clear and cheerful voice.

I sat up, startled. The events from last night came flooding back to me all at one moment, making my head swim as my eyes searched for Edward. I finally found him sitting in an antique gold chair and my breath caught in my throat at his perfection. I ran my fingers through my long knotted hair, immediately aware of what I probably looked like.

"Good morning." I managed, giving him a nervous smile. He smiled broadly in return, lifting himself off of the chair and coming to the bed. I slid into his arms easily, placing my head against his chest. He sighed heavily, kissing the top of my forehead.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked, pulling his body away from me a bit. I nodded mutely, holding up my finger. I needed to brush my teeth, and now. He shook his head, pulling me closer to hide the grin on his face. I pushed against him as hard as I could, still trying to hold my breath in. He laughed and finally let me go.

I hopped off of the bed and headed towards the bathroom, aware of Edward's eyes on me the entire time. I grabbed my toothbrush and quickly washed away my morning breath. Wincing at my reflection I quickly threw up my hair and washed my face, already anxious to return to Edward's arms.

When I emerged from the bathroom Edward was perched on the side of my bed, looking relaxed and happy. I cocked my head at him, trying to read his thoughts.

"What is that look for?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows.

"I've never seen you with that expression on your face before," I explained, "I'm just trying to read it."

He laughed and fixed his clear eyes on mine. "Bella, I haven't felt this amazing in a long time. Telling you everything made me feel… _light_." I blushed, shrugging my shoulders as if to make it seem like it was no big deal, but I knew for him that it was.

"I'm glad." I said after a pause. "I was afraid you might regret it."

He shook his head vehemently but his beautiful eyes sudden became serious. "Bella, you do remember what I said last night? I don't know how easy this is going to be for me. It hasn't been so far and I can't make any solid promises right now."

I was silent. I knew there were going to issues to face, but right now I just wanted to enjoy us, to be happy. He seemed to read my face and he stood, pulling me in for a quick hug.

"How about breakfast?" I asked finally as he dropped his hands to his side.

"That's a good idea. Actually, I think my parents are going down to the café downstairs. They said they would call my room." He grinned. "I'm not quite sure what they'll think when I don't answer."

I made a face and gave him a push. "Go to your room and change and come and get me before you go down then." Esme may have been anxious to have her son happy, but I seriously doubted she would feel as elated if she knew he had spent the night with me, even if she were aware nothing happened.

After Edward left I stepped into the shower, letting my mind drift. I knew Edward's past wasn't ideal, but I couldn't help but feel hopeful with this new idea of us.

I was throwing on my clothes when I heard a light knocking. I walked quickly, stumbling a bit as I reached the door. I threw it open to find Alice standing there, a curious expression on her tiny face.

"Good morning Bella." She said leaning in the room a bit, trying to find Edward no doubt. "You're looking a little flushed."

I took a step back so she could enter. "I just got out of the shower Alice." I explained to her. Her smile turned down a little at the corners as if she were disappointed. "Your brother just left to go change." I added nonchalantly, keeping my face straight.

Alice gasped and clasped her hands together under her chin. "_Bella!_"

I grinned and shook my head. "Get those thoughts out of your head Alice. We fell asleep _talking_."

She narrowed her eyes briefly and then relaxed, apparently deciding to believe me. She then registered what I had really said and her mouth turned downwards again. "What did you talk about?" she asked carefully.

"Everything," I said to her, sitting down on the bed. "I mean everything that he wasn't willing to tell me before at least."

"Wow." Alice muttered. "I didn't know if he would right away. He hasn't really talked about it with anybody outside of the family besides Jasper. Rosalie only knew because she overheard a conversation."

I was suddenly hungry for more information. I did want Edward to be the one to tell me everything, but I also knew Alice wouldn't mind me prying a bit.

"Alice, you said Jasper is the only one who knew. Were they friends before he went…away?"

Alice nodded. "Most of the people Edward hung around with here weren't good people. He and Jasper were roommates and they got along really well, at least when Edward was sober. When Edward went away, he basically fought to stay in his life. It's why I was so drawn to him I think. He's an amazing friend, a great person." Her eyes were shining with the memory. "Edward's center was up north a bit, closer to here then to where we're from. When I met Jasper he confessed to me that he had been going to visit Edward. He was the only friend Edward had who even _cared_. I knew that meant a lot to him and it meant a lot to me too. For a long time Edward didn't want to see any of us, I was so glad to find out that he wasn't completely alone during that time."

I bit my lip. Edward cared about his family so much; it had been apparent last night. I couldn't imagine him shutting them out completely. I wished I could understand better but just as I was about to open my mouth to ask Alice another question, Edward glided into the room. He stopped suddenly when he saw Alice.

"Well good morning Edward." Alice said playfully, smiling. "Did you get some _rest_?"

"Actually I got excellent rest little sister." He grinned. "Thank you for your concern." He turned towards me. "Everybody will be downstairs for breakfast in a bit if you're still hungry Bella."

I nodded, blushing as he took my hand in his.

****

When we reached the café it was nearly full and humming with morning conversation. I could see Esme brighten as she realized Edward and I were holding hands. She stood and I caught a whiff of expensive perfume as she kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Please, sit." Carlisle spread his hands out towards the empty chairs across from them.

I sat in between Alice and Edward and directly across from Esme, who still looked as if she had just hit the lottery. I shifted in my chair as her gaze jumped several times between Edward and I. Edward seemed to have noticed and he squeezed my hand, flashing me a reassuring smile.

"Bella, Alice told me that you're from Florida?" Carlisle asked, buttering a croissant and handing it to me. I nodded, taking a bite immediately. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was. "I know it's a bit early but have you decided what you're going to major in here?"

"Actually, I'm very interested in studying Sociology." I admitted. "I just can't see the long-term benefit of it." It was the truth, I would love to spend the next four years studying what I was interested in, but the career options were somewhat limited. "I'm thinking I should just go for something like business management instead."

Esme smiled warmly at me. "Bella, you may as well study what you love. The rest will fall into place. You seem like you would be a good nurse, or teacher."

I shook my head, my stomach turning at the thought. "_Not_ a nurse. I sort of faint at the sight of blood." My face turned a shade of scarlet as I said this and I could see Edward chuckle out of the corner of my eye. I kicked him softly under the table.

We continued to talk for what seemed like hours. Esme and Carlisle's interest in me had me jumping from topic to topic with a nervous energy. Eventually a very tired looking Rosalie and Emmett joined us. I raised my eyebrows at them as they approached, and Emmett answered with a wicked grin. I made a face and he winked.

After stuffing ourselves on every kind of breakfast food we could manage, we trudged back upstairs to pack. According to the front desk, the main roads were now plowed and the snow had finally stopped. I threw the few things I had scattered around the room into my overnight bag and stepped into the hallway, closing the hotel door behind me for the final time. Edward was leaning against the wall, startling me.

"Edward!" I scolded him, my heart recovering to its normal pace. "You really shouldn't scare people like that."

He grinned silently and pulled me towards him for kiss that left me weak in the knees.


	4. Part IV

This one is short, I apologize. I have three different possible storylines and I'm really not sure which way to go with this but I promise once I figure it out the rest will just flow (hopefully). For now I just wanted to get something up.

**Soundtrack:**

**Norah Jones - The Nearness of You**

* * *

**Part IV**

The rest of the winter passed without incident, despite the several feet of snow the sky had managed to dump on the campus. I braved the slick roads only for my classes and my friends, who were becoming a constant and powerful force in my life.

My only complaint at the present was the fact that although emotionally Edward and I were growing closer every day, physically he was keeping his distance.

"Bella," Edward murmured against my lips, trying to push me away softly. We were at his apartment unsuccessfully trying to watch some action movie on his large black leather couch.

I resisted, keeping my lips firmly on his until he had to untangle his hands from my hair and pick me up off of him by my waist. I groaned, sticking out my lower lip at him. "You are going to drive me mad and I hope when it happens you feel _extremely_ guilty." I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

He laughed easily, pulling me back towards him with his long arms and squeezing. "Bella, you are the one driving _me_ mad. I never thought it would be so difficult to be a gentleman."

I snorted and turned towards the movie, pretending to suddenly be fascinated by the precision of Steven Segal's gun. I watched as he successfully brought down five bad guys, ignoring Edward's gaze.

"Oh come_ on_ Bella," he finally said, exasperated.

I turned my face towards his and my breath caught at his perfection, as it usually did. I really couldn't be mad at Edward for wanting to wait, but my hormones were getting the best of me lately and I was feeling frustrated. He had decided that because of his past and present_ issues _we should be taking things extra slow. I knew he had a point - I just had trouble remembering what that point was most nights.

Finally I kissed him quickly on his soft lips, letting him know I had cooled down and was ready to be good. We lay down and he tucked me against his chest as we finished watching the horrific movie. Why Edward had insisted on it I had no idea, but I enjoyed the feel of his heartbeat against my back too much too complain. We could have been watching paint dry for all I cared.

When the movie was over Edward and I separated, sitting up and stretching on the couch. I glanced at the clock and sighed, it was late. Charlie's don't-ask-don't-tell policy had left me free to spend the night at Edward's on occasion. I supposed he had guessed he had missed the talk about the birds and the bees by a few years and was letting me make my own decisions, which I appreciated. I didn't stay often though, we had only been together for a little over 3 months and I didn't want Charlie getting the wrong idea. Tonight I might just have to make an exception. Pulling myself away from Edward was an unbearingly difficult task lately.

As I was getting up Edward's cell vibrated in his pocket. "Alice." He told me, flipping the phone open.

"Hi sis." He smiled into the phone, turning away from me.

I lazily wandered to Edward's kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. I leaned my back against the counter, staring out of the window into the night. Edward's apartment was spacious and modern with large windows overlooking the Grand River. He didn't have any roommates; Carlisle and Esme had thought he may have needed some space when he moved back. I knew he had appreciated that. The entire apartment was decorated in elegant black and beige, courtesy of Esme of course. I smiled, thinking of the hours she probably spent trying to make this place perfect for him.

"Bella?" Edward walked into the kitchen as he closed his phone. "Alice needs us to pick her and Jasper up from a party downtown."

I nodded, setting my water down. Ever since Edward's almost-breakdown at Jasper's he had been avoiding parties, which meant I was doing the same. We generally had a least one pick-up to do on the weekends, which was usually Emmett and Rose. This weekend Jasper had asked Alice to join him at a house party that somebody he had known from his freshman year was throwing.

Edward sighed unexpectedly and pulled me into his arms, kissing me on the forehead. I smiled up at him. "What was that for?" I asked.

"I feel guilty Bella." He admitted. "This is all we do, I feel like I'm taking an experience away from you."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What experience?" I questioned, "The experience of getting drunk and waking up the next morning without the full use of your limbs? Thanks for your concern but I'll pass."

Edward laughed, letting me go and walking to the closet to grab our jackets. "Not just that." He explained. "Going out and meeting people, you know that kind of thing." He shrugged as he handed my grey fleece jacket to me. It was the end of March and still chilly outside, a fact that I tried not to dwell on.

"Edward," I closed my eyes wearily. I had already explained this to him several times. "If I wanted to go, I would go." When I flicked my eyes back open Edward was studying my face sadly. I softened my voice. "Let's just go get them and come back here and get some sleep, okay?"

He nodded quietly, and we heading out of his building and to his car.


	5. Part V

**Soundtrack:**

**Beyonce - Smash Into You**

* * *

Part V

"Bella, I am being_ serious_."

I rolled my eyes as Alice sat herself lightly at the end of my bed. I was at my computer, browsing online for plane tickets to California - or at least I had been before Alice and Rosalie had interrupted. It was Friday night and they had come over ten minutes ago to convince me to go to a bonfire with them, something I had no desire to do. It was the first of July – classes had been over for over a month. Alice and Rosalie had moved into an apartment in Jasper's complex and were both taking classes for the summer semester. Edward and Emmett were taking classes as well, while Jasper and I both worked. He was a bartender at the local Meyer's Pub and I had found a job working at Jenning's, a clothing store at the mall Alice frequented.

"Alice," I said sternly. "Why are you doing this to me?" I looked at Rosalie for help.

"Don't look at me that way Bella. I'm in agreement with Alice. You and Edward both need to come up for air and spend some time apart." Rosalie folded her tanned arms across her chest, her golden brown eyes hard.

I sighed, throwing my hands up in exasperation. I knew that were irked that they rarely saw me anymore without Edward, but it was hardly fair considering they spent just as much time with their own boyfriends. The difference was their boyfriends didn't avoid crowds, parties, and alcohol like the plague.

"Bella, Edward _wants_ you to go." Alice said. I scowled, knowing she was probably 100% correct. Of course he would want me to go, he had spent the last few months trying to push me on Alice or Rosalie every time they lifted a finger. Until now, I had successfully thwarted most attempts. I had willingly gone to small gatherings, but avoided the larger parties. I simply preferred Edward's couch.

"Listen Bella, look at it this way, you get to spend some quality time with us and you get to shut Edward up at the same time." Rosalie pointed out. "What could really be so bad about that?

I looked into Alice's pleading eyes. "Fine, I'll go." I relented, sticking my tongue out at her.

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed, jumping up from my bed and pumping her tiny fist into the air. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Edward's number as she immediately ran to my closet and began pulling out articles of clothing. Rosalie was right behind her.

"Hello?" Edward's smooth voice answered.

"If you put your sister up to this, let me just tell you that you are in big trouble." I kept my voice low.

Edward laughed. "I did not put her up to it Bella, but I did tell her it was probably a good idea. You _are_ rather boring lately. And you're not driving either. I'll drive you over there."

"Why would you have to do that?" I asked him, confused. "I'll be fin-"

Edward interrupted me. "Bella just _enjoy_ yourself."

I was suddenly annoyed. "Well thanks so much Edward. I'll make sure to drink as much as humanely possible so I can finally make you happy." I snapped the phone shut, my face hot. I knew I should be grateful Edward was being so thoughtful about how his situation affected me, but it was unbelievably maddening when he was trying to make me do things I didn't even want to do just so he didn't have to feel so needlessly guilty.

As I was silently fuming in my chair, Alice had laid a pretty white cotton dress out on my bed, complete with dainty white sandals.

"I'm wearing_ that_ to an outdoor party?" I asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow. I hadn't even remembered buying the dress, I'm sure it was something Alice had forced upon me during a recent shopping trip.

Alice grinned, "Just put it on."

I shrugged, quickly standing up and turning my back so I could slip out of my jeans and into the dress.

"Alright, so are we going now?" I stood in the middle of the room, waiting for instructions.

Alice instead gave me a horrified look. "Bella, you can't be serious." She shook her head and pursed her lips. "You are not wearing that dress and then walking out of this house without even bothering to look in the mirror. I mean your _hair_!" She made another face.

Before I could protest Rosalie had sat me back down at my desk while Alice practically skipped out of my room. She came back a moment later with an array of hair accessories from my bathroom. I groaned and sat back, preparing for the worst.

It took Alice and Rosalie nearly 30 minutes to work on my hair. They had curled it into soft ringlets and pinned it loosely at the nape of my neck, leaving a few wispy strands unfastened around my face.

"What are you doing this for?" I asked, carefully examining my reflection in the small mirror Alice was holding up for me. "I thought we were going to a bonfire, not a wedding."

"Oh come on Bella, let me have a little fun. You barely ever let us do this." Alice was pouting, disappointed in my reaction to their hard work. "Now come on and let's get to Edward's."

******

During the ride to Edward's I was mentally preparing myself to be and _stay _mad at him. It wasn't an easy thing. Once Edward flashed his lovely crooked smile I generally forgot to breathe, let alone be angry.

"Oh shoot." Alice said when we had pulled up to Edward's building. "I forgot my makeup bag."

"Oh darn Alice." Rosalie's voice sounded odd. "I guess we'll have to go back and get it."

I cocked my head to the side. "We have to go all the way back to your apartment for a _makeup bag_ Alice?" My voice held a hint of annoyance.

"You know Bella now that I think about it, I forgot my money there too and I'd like to grab it just in case I need it. Why don't you go in and we'll be back in 10 minutes, tops." Alice and Rosalie had both twisted around in their seats to face me; their eyes open wide with innocence.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll see you in a few." I got out of the Jeep, stumbling a bit on my way down. I heard Rosalie laugh quietly before I shut the door behind and they took off.

I suppose I should have registered their odd behavior in my head, but I was so concentrated on why I was angry with Edward that I continued to Edward's door without a second thought. I hesitated when I saw the door was already cracked open. Odd.

"Edward?" I called, pushing the door open slowly. I stopped short when I saw the apartment, my mouth falling open slightly.

The lights were off and the kitchen table was set for two, complete with burning candles. My hand flew up to my mouth as I entered the apartment slowly and realized it was decorated in hundreds of small white lights. Against the darkness they looked like stars. I felt my eyes begin to water and I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat.

"Hi." I spun towards Edward's voice and almost fell over sideways. He had been standing behind me, his emerald eyes glittering under the reflection of the lights. My mind went blank as he took a step towards me, reaching out to touch my face. "Are you still angry with me?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips.

I shook my head, a blush creeping up my face.

"Good," he said, taking my hand in his. "I would hate to have you upset on our six month anniversary."

I blinked, surprised. This was for our _anniversary_? I laughed involuntarily and immediately put my hand over my mouth. "I'm sorry," I said, "I just, I didn't think it was something we would celebrate. This is amazing." I gestured to the lights and the table.

"I would love to take credit for it all but I can't." he said, bowing his head in mock shame.

"Alice." I stated, nodding my head. "I should have known."

Edward pulled me into his arms suddenly and kissed my neck, causing my body to go slightly limp in his arms. "You look stunning Bella." My mind went vacant again and I looked up at him, speechless. He chuckled. "Why don't you sit down? I made dinner." He let me go and I slid down onto the kitchen chair.

Moments later he placed a plate of chicken draped in a thick wine sauce in front of me. My stomach growled as I inhaled the appetizing scent. "It's Esme's special recipe." He explained, sitting down across from me.

We ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the meal. After we were both finished, Edward sat back in his chair, his eye studying my face.

"Bella," he began. "I want you know these last six months have been amazing." My face flushed as he continued. "Telling you my past and having you accept me regardless…" he trailed off, his eyes intense on mine. "You are the best thing that could have happened to me right now; the best thing to happen to me ever."

Without waiting for a response Edward stood and held out his hand. I took it mutely, my heart thudding in my chest.

He whispered my name, his voice thick. I reached up and tangled my fingers in his unruly hair, bringing my lips to his. My body was aching for him. He suddenly pulled his face slightly away from mine, his eyes shining.

"I love you Bella." He said quietly.

I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out, instead my wet eyes spilled over. Edward kissed each tear, his arms tight around my waist.

I took one hand out of his hair and brought it down to his face, tracing his perfect lips with my finger. "I love you too." I mouthed. I brought my eyes to his, silently begging for what I now knew that I needed.

Edward's lips were on mine again, his hands restless. I bit his lip softly and he moaned in response. Suddenly I was in the air and he was carrying me to the living room. My heart skipped as I saw a soft blanket already lain out neatly in front of his fireplace.

He laid me down softly, positioning himself over me. His eyes were questioning, wondering if this was okay.

With a deep and ragged breath I pulled him closer to show him it was.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews so far - but I'd like more! I've gotten hundreds of hits and only 10 reviews. Let's go people! ;-)**


	6. Part VI

**Soundtrack:**

**John Legend – Good Morning**

I have the Stomach flu....yuck. :(

* * *

**Part VI**

"Good morning Bella." Edward's voice was like velvet against my ear as I slowly opened my eyes to the morning. I smiled as I felt his warmth behind me.

"Good morning back." I said, twisting around in the sheets to face him. I lifted my hand, moving his disheveled hair from his eyes. "I think we may have slept in a little."

"Yes, I think we have." Edward said without an ounce of remorse, pulling my body close to his.

I snuggled against his bare chest, closing my eyes as he kissed the top of my head softly. I most definitely did not want to ever have to leave this bed.

"Edward? Bella?"

My eyes went wide as I heard Alice's sing-song voice calling my name. Edward groaned, closing his eyes as if he were in pain.

"She cannot be serious right now." He muttered, letting me go and sitting up. I laughed lightly, rolling out of bed and grabbing my jeans. I opened Edward's closet and pulled a large grey hooded sweatshirt off of the hanger, inhaling as I put it on. How could even his newly washed clothes smell good? I inhaled again.

"Seriously you two, it's almost noon!" Alice called impatiently, as if it were completely unreasonable to sleep in on a Saturday.

I looked at Edward still sitting in his bed and sighed with aggravation, throwing open the door and marching out to the kitchen.

"Alice, there better be an amazingly good reason why you are here right now." I demanded when I reached the kitchen.

"I need a good reason to visit my best friend and my brother?" She asked innocently, her eyes large.

"_Alice_."

"Oh fine," she said, rolling her eyes. "I was just so curious to see how the night went I couldn't sit still any longer. Jasper is at work and Rosalie is at Emmett's. I got bored."

"Well the night went fine Alice. A first actually, very _romantic_..." I stressed the last word, my eyes narrowing.

"Oh." Awareness reached Alice's eyes. "_Oh_. Ew."

I suppressed a smile. Alice made a disgusted face at Edward as he walked into the kitchen. He shot her an annoyed look before opening the fridge and pulling out a gallon of milk.

"Did we already cover why you're here Alice, or do I have to ask?" he questioned, pouring the milk slowly into a blue plastic cup.

"We already covered it."

"Good." Edward said, his face brightening. He had forgiven Alice quickly, as everybody always did. "Do you two want to go downtown to grab lunch?"

I was ready to agree when the realization hit me that I had to work in a few hours. My face fell and Edward read my expression instantly, frowning.

"Work?"

I nodded sadly. I didn't mind my job; I enjoyed the people there. However weekends were never my favorite time to work, and this particular weekend with Edward wasn't one I wanted to end, even if Alice had already interrupted.

Alice was pouting. "Why don't you call in Bella?" she asked. "You never have, it's healthy now and then."

"No way Alice," I shook my head. Leave it to Alice to not understand the importance of _needing_ to work to have money. I glanced at the clock; I had two hours to get ready. I sighed, "I need to go now."

Edward stepped towards me, taking me into his arms. Alice suddenly found herself very interested in taking down the white lights in the living room and left us alone for a moment. My heart fluttered as he leaned down to kiss my neck, and I inhaled his scent deeply.

"I love you Bella." Edward said softly, putting each hand on the sides of my face. He brought his face close to mine, brushing my lips with his. I shuddered.

"I love you too." I replied once he had pulled away enough for my head to clear. "I get off work at ten."

"I'll be waiting." He said playfully, curling his lips into a smile and raising an eyebrow.

It was going to be a long day.

**********

Thankfully, due to the beautiful weather, the mall was virtually empty. Grand Mall was a massive two-story building with three large department stores flanking the long rows of smaller sgops. It was rarely quiet, especially on the weekends, so it was a nice break to see such light traffic.

I was a sale associate at Jennings, a fairly large clothing store that catered specifically to the young and fashion-conscious, which is exactly why Alice and Rosalie made it a point to visit me frequently. While the clothes and jewelry were a little much for me, the girls I worked with easy to get along with, and made the job worth it. Tonight I would be working with Angela, a sweet and quiet girl who went to a nearby private college.

"Hey Bella." Angela waved from behind the counter as I walked in.

"Hey." I replied, smiling as I made my way to the back room of the store, stumbling over a hanger that somebody had left on the floor.

When I reached the back room I punched into work on the dated time-clock and threw a small red rubber bracelet with a dressing room key on it around my wrist. I noticed that Jessica, another associate, was still working. I stuck my head into the stock room where she was unpacking a new shipment of amazingly short skirts.

"Hi Bella! I didn't know you were in so early." She exclaimed. "You look tired, what did you do last night?"

I hesitated, "Well it was Edward and I's six month anniversary…"

"Oh _wow_. You've been with him for six months already?" Jessica sighed longingly. "You're so lucky Bella, he is so _hot_. What did you two do?"

"He made me dinner." I said simply, knowing better then to disclose any personal information to Jessica. She was well-meaning, but generally couldn't help but gossip to anybody with a functioning ear.

"Wow." She said again, pulling at her light brown curly hair. "He's perfect."

I sighed. There was no arguing with that.

The rest of the evening passed slowly, as I knew it would. My head was swimming with memories from the night before. I could feel my face flushing. Thankfully if Angela noticed, she didn't say anything. We spent most of our time straightening the racks of clothing and chatting about new books we had read. Thankfully there was no need for me to work in the stock room, which was a dangerous place for somebody like me. I had already fallen off the ladder one…or maybe three or four times.

Eventually it got dark outside and we became slightly busy as girls rushed through the store, trying to find new outfits for whatever they had planned that night. I smiled as I saw Alice and Rosalie breeze in.

"Well what a surprise." I said sarcastically as they reached the counter where I was folding t-shirts.

Rosalie grinned, flashing her perfect white teeth.

"We got bored." Alice explained, shrugging her tiny shoulders. "I had to ditch Edward. He couldn't speak straight - no doubt thinking about _you_." She rolled her eyes.

I blushed, secretly pleased.

"Do you have anything new?" Rosalie asked, changing the subject. "Since last week I mean?"

I laughed lightly and made my way to the back room to grab Rosalie's size in the micro mini-skirts Jessica had been putting on the shelf earlier.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed when I walked out with the skirt up. Alice snickered, taking in the size of it.

Once Rosalie and Alice had finished shopping and left, I started to close up the store eagerly. Angela seemed to catch on to my readiness to leave and helped me count out the drawers.

"Bella you can go now." Angela offered. "Everything is finished; all I have to do is close the gate when the mall closes."

I hesitated, I felt guilty leaving her here but I also couldn't wait to get back to Edward's arms.

"Go." She said simply, smiling. I grinned apologetically and complied, heading out of the store in a rush to my car.


	7. Part VII

Soundtrack:

**Sarah Mclachlan – Hold On**

Thanks for the reviews - as always! I'm happy to say I am 95% better and finally getting to the point of this story...

* * *

**Part VII**

I drove home quickly, wanting to change before heading to Edward's. Charlie was in the house, watching the Detroit Tigers play the Yankees. He got up when I walked in the door, his hands in his pockets.

"Haven't seen you in awhile Bella" he said hesitantly. I groaned internally.

"Yeah Dad, sorry about that." I said uneasily. "I'm probably not going to be around tonight either."

Charlie nodded, looking he wanted to say something. I looked towards the stairs impatiently. Finally Charlie turned back towards the TV room. I waited for a moment to be sure I was free, then half-ran up the stairs to my room, throwing on white t-shirt and faded blue jeans before heading back out to my car.

"Bye Dad!" I called, quickly ducking out the front door before I could hear his response.

When I got to Edward's he was laying on his couch, watching CNN. He opened his arms to me and I kicked off my tennis shoes and slid onto the couch with him.

"I missed you." He admitted. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"No, no work until Tuesday."

"Good, just remind me to lock my door tonight and we should be all set." He smiled into my hair and I laughed.

Suddenly Edward's cell phone vibrated in his pocket. I got up so he could get his phone out of his jeans. We could both probably guess who it was already.

"Hey Alice." He smiled into the phone.

I stood and lazily wandered to Edward's kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. I leaned against the counter, staring out of his big picture window into the still night.

"What do you_ mean_ Alice?" Edward demanded loudly, startling me. I took an uncertain step back towards the living room. Edward had the phone up to his ear and his head pressed against his forehead. I froze immediately when I saw the look in his eyes.

"No." he said after listening to Alice talk for a moment. "No Alice. No, that's not right. Mom is fine…" he trailed off, his voice breaking as he fell heavily to the floor, his phone falling out of his hand.

I dropped my glass, hardly noticing when it shattered across the kitchen tile. I rushed into the living room, kneeling down next to Edward and grabbing his phone, putting it to my ear.

"Edward? Edward?" Alice's voice was shrill.

"Alice?" I said into the phone. "What's going on? Is-"

Alice sobbed into the phone. "Bella, you have to stay with him. Please. It's Esme, there's been a car accident. Carlisle just called, they don't think-" She broke off into another sob. I could hear Jasper comforting her in the background.

I wrapped my free arm around Edward, my face still frozen.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice came onto the line. "We're coming over. Stay there."

I shut the phone and tossed it to the ground, wrapping both of my arms around Edward now. He was quiet, but I could feel his shoulders shaking. I softly brought his head down on my shoulder. We both stayed silent.

Within ten minutes Jasper and Alice were there. I left Edward to open the door and my heart dropped as I saw Alice's tear-streaked face and Jasper's somber expression. She quickly moved past me and went to Edward. They were both speaking low, and I could tell Alice was fighting back her tears.

"Bella, it doesn't look very good for Esme." Jasper said quietly, his eyes on Alice. "I think we need to drive them to the hospital she's at. It will take a couple hours to get there."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat, watching as Jasper made his way toward Edward and Alice to tell them we were going to go. They both got up slowly and the four of us made our way to Alice's Range Rover. Jasper got behind the wheel as Edward and I crawled into the back seat. Alice was slouched in the front passanger seat, her hand intertwined with Jasper's.

The car ride was extremely quiet, our silence interrupted only by an occasional sniffle from Alice or a phone call. Every time Alice's cell phone rang my heart seemed to stop, but each time it was Carlisle calling just to tell Alice that Esme was still in surgery. I was aching to hold Edward. He had pressed his body against the car door and his forehead against the window; he was visibly tense with worry.

Jasper was speeding, and we made it to the sprawling hospital in just less than two hours. Suddenly Alice and Edward were alert and anxious. As soon as Jasper pulled up to the emergency room entrance, they poured out of the car, sprinting to the large sliding doors. I stayed behind with Jasper as he drove to the parking garage.

"What happened?" I questioned, looking at Jasper's face in the rear-view mirror.

"I didn't catch everything," Jasper said quietly. "But it sounded like Carlisle and Esme were broadsided at a traffic light. Carlisle isn't too badly injured from what I could hear, but the other vehicle hit Esme's side of the car. She was rushed here and she's been in surgery ever since."

I bit my lip hard. "She'll make it through." I tried to sound confident, but my voice wavered.

Jasper just nodded bleakly, finally finding an empty parking space.

*****

I wasn't prepared for what I was going to see when we reached the waiting room.

Carlisle was pacing, his light blue button-up shirt ripped on one side and soaked in blood. He had a gash across his handsome face. Alice and Edward were sitting limply in hard metal chairs. Alice was crying into her hands and Edward's face was ashen. Neither of them looked up when we walked in.

"Damn it!" Carlisle yelled unexpectedly, causing me and Jasper both to jump. He grabbed a fistful of his thick blonde hair and pulled on it, his forehead creased with worry.

I hadn't realized I was frozen in place until I felt Jasper lightly grab my arm. He led me to the chairs behind Alice and Edward. As much as I wanted to sit next to Edward I understood Jasper's reasoning. I sat down slowly, my eyes never leaving the back of Edward's head.

After what seemed like an eternity, a mousy dark-haired nurse came into the room. My heart started to pound against my chest.

"?" She asked, her beady eyes finding him immediately. "You and your family can come with me."

Edward and Alice shot up and followed their father out of the waiting room doors. Edward turned to me at the last moment, his expression unfathomable, and in an instant he was on the other side of the long glass window. My breath caught when I saw two doctor's approach Carlisle.

"Jasper..." my voice was panicked.

"Just take a deep breath Bella."

I did as he instructed, straining to see. Suddenly Alice's loud wail filled the room as she collapsed into Edward. Jasper was on his feet in an instant.

"No, no, no." I repeated as I saw Carlisle's face twist in pain and Edward's hands go up to his face. The two doctors' took a step backward and I reached up, holding onto Jasper's arm. We watched, speechless, as a nurse took them away.

"Esme." I said softly, feeling my eyes begin to water.

Jasper looked down at me, his intense hazel eyes pained. "What do we do?"

I shrugged weakly, a tear escaping down my face. I brushed it away as Jasper sat back down, putting his head in his hands. We waited for a half an hour, barely moving an inch.

"Jasper? Bella?" Carlisle's voice startled me and I jumped up.

"Carlisle-"I choked out, taking a step towards him. "I'm so sorry."

He cleared his throat, nodding. "Thank you both for being with them and for bringing them here." He paused when his voice cracked. "There's a Marriott in Downtown Detroit, I'm going to make arrangements for you to stay there."

I had barely opened my mouth to respond when Carlisle abruptly turned on his heels and walked back out of the room.

"I think we should go Bella." Jasper said reluctantly. "They need each other right now, we'll call them tomorrow."

I nodded, letting Jasper lead me back to Alice's car.

*****

I barely slept that night. Detroit was a noisy city and every police siren seemed to echo loudly against the walls of my room. Carlisle had reserved us a beautiful two bedroom suite overlooking the Detroit River, but I was hardly able to admire the view.

When I finally fell into a restless sleep I dreamt about Esme's beautiful face, her eager eyes darting between Edward and me, wishing for love for her son. In my dream I reached out to her to let her know that he had found it with me, but she disappeared before I had the chance.

I woke up suddenly, glancing at the clock. It wasn't even five in the morning. I wrapped a blanket around my body and walked into the living room, only mildly surprised to find Jasper already there, staring out the floor-to-ceiling window.

"I can't sleep." He explained, looking up as I sat down next to him. "It makes me anxious to be away from her right now."

I nodded. "I know it does. She knows you're close though Jasper."

He sighed, laying his head back against the couch. We sat still for a long while, watching the sun rise over Canada.

As the sun rose higher Jasper and I became restless. After watching Jasper drink about four cups of coffee I finally decided to do some shopping, considering I hadn't brought a change of clothes with me. Our hotel was located inside the Renaissance Center, and I wandered around the shopping center on a lower floor, stopping when I finally found a store that may carry what I needed.

"Looking for anything in particular?" asked an immaculately dressed saleswoman, eyeing my washed out jeans and crumpled t-shirt. Her silver name tag read 'Nora.'

"Something black." I said plainly, trying to rid my eyes of emotion.

She nodded sympathetically and started pulling outfits from the racks. I cursed my easy-to-read face and the probable dark circles under my eyes. Within minutes she had a handful of hangers and was already pushing me into a dressing room.

After twenty minutes of fighting my way into ridiculously made clothing I finally settled on a simple black knee-length dress, letting Nora talk me into some subtle black heels. After grabbing some toiletries and a few t-shirts from another store, I made my way back to the hotel room, opening the door after some degree of difficulty with my keycard.

"Bella?" Jasper came towards the door to help me with my bags. "Alice called a moment ago."

"How is she?" I asked flatly, knowing it was a pointless question.

Jasper shook his head unhappily. "She wants some time to herself, but she did tell me there's a viewing Tuesday all day and the funeral service will be Wednesday morning near their home."

I trembled slightly, still unable to imagine Esme as being gone, as being _buried_.

"Did she say anything about Edward?" I asked apprehensively.

"No, nothing." Jasper's eyes were large, his voice suddenly smooth. "I barely talked to her Bella."

My stomach dropped when I realized I didn't believe him.

* * *

_Okay, so I always said I would never explain my own writing, but I have too here. Killing off Esme was not something I did lightly, trust me. I had a few ideas for this story, but in the end Edward needed to lose something and something important. We all know there's nothing more important to Edward than his family. I suppose that when any of us writes these characters as humans, we have to expect there will be human consequences. It's hard to imagine them being breakable, but that's what we get for making them mortal I suppose._


	8. Part VIII

**Soundtrack: ****Matchbox Twenty – These Hard Times**

**Thanks for the great reviews! You guys are the best.**

* * *

**Part VIII**

"Jasper, _what_ did Alice say about Edward?" I asked again, trying to keep my voice composed.

Jasper shifted his weight, his eyes flitting away from mine. "He left last night. Carlisle let him go, thinking he needed to take a drive. Alice finally fell asleep around four in the morning and he still hadn't returned. When she woke up later, she and Carlisle found the living room completely torn apart."

I gasped, putting my hand to my mouth. Jasper brought his eyes to mine, a look of sympathy on his face.

"Edward was in his room, on the floor. He had been drinking."

I suddenly felt faint. I staggered to a large leather chair, tears threatening my eyes as I fell into it. My breath was coming in short ragged gasps.

"Bella-" Jasper started towards me and I held up my hand and shook my head violently.

"Jasper, please. Let me have a moment."

He nodded, turning towards his room. When he was gone I leaned back weakly, the tears freely flowing now.

_How could I not have seen this coming?_ I thought to myself. I didn't have to leave Edward – I could have stayed with him. Jasper could leave Alice because he knew she could deal with this. Was I so stupid – so naïve – that I didn't even consider Edward's past for one second? A sob escaped my mouth as I thought of Esme. I couldn't even take care of her son for her, how was that the love she had wanted for him? I shut my eyes tightly, sitting there for a long time without moving.

After some time passed my cell phone rang. I jumped up, rummaging through my purse desperately, finally finding my phone.

"Hello?" My voice was strained.

"Bella? Where are you?" I sighed as I heard Charlie's worried voice at the other end of line. I had completely forgotten to call him.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm in Detoit-"

"Detroit?" Charlie's voice raised an octave.

"Dad just listen, okay? Edward's mother Esme was in a car accident last night. She didn't make it." My voice tripped over the words. "Jasper and I took them here to the hospital. We're staying for the funeral, I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner."

Charlie was quiet, no doubt panicked at what to say. "Bells I am so sorry." He finally got out. "Do you have everything you need? Can I bring you anything?"

"No, no, that's okay. I went shopping this morning. Listen – I don't know when I'll be home. The funeral isn't until Wednesday."

"Okay. Well you take care, and tell Alice and Edward they have my sympathies." Charlie said quietly. "Love you Bella."

"I love you too Dad." I said with meaning before hanging up the phone. After a moment of staring at the screen my fingers started to move, dialing Edward's number. I put the phone to my head and frowned as Edward's voicemail picked up.

I took a deep breath to keep from crying again, and walked towards Jasper's door. I knocked twice and then let myself in. Jasper was laying down, blindly flipping through the channels on the TV. I sat on the edge of his bed.

"What do I do?" I asked, blankly staring at the wall.

Jasper was silent for a long while. Finally he muted the TV and sat up. I turned to face him, my face no doubt betraying all my emotions. I was too tired to try and control my expression.

"Edward is not very willing to accept help," he started, no doubt referencing back to his past experiences with Edward's addictions. "He doesn't want to hurt people he loves, so he shuts them out. The first five or six times I went to see him at the rehabilitation center he wouldn't talk to me. We sat there for hours, just watching the other patients talking with their own visitors. It took him a long time to let his guard down. I can only expect this time will be worse." His face became sad. "Esme was always his shining light, his reason for getting better. Disappointing her was very difficult for him. He told me when she looked at him he could see who he could be in her eyes."

"I need to see him."

Jasper nodded. "I'll call Alice in the morning."

*****

After a restless night of sleep I woke up in the morning with an intense headache. I could vaguely hear knocking on the door and I sat up, wincing at the pain that shot down my neck.

I got up and walked into the living room just in time to see Jasper open the door to a solemn looking Rosalie and Emmett.

"Hi guys." Rosalie said softly. She wrapped me in a warm hug and I suddenly felt guilty, realizing Alice must have had to call her. I should have done that for her. My forehead throbbed as Rosalie released me and I took a step backwards, still disoriented.

"Hi Rose." I tried to smile. "I'm so glad you guys are here."

She nodded, taking in my tired face. "We would have come sooner but Emmett had an exam last night. I've already talked to Alice, how is Edward holding up?"

I bit my lip and shrugged. Rosalie frowned, her forehead creasing.

"We're both going to see them for the first time today." Jasper said, freeing me from explaining anything. I smiled at him gratefully. "I talked to Alice this morning and she is already expecting us all at the viewing."

"What time?" I asked.

"It runs from noon to 9pm tonight. I was guessing we were all planning on being there all day." We all nodded in agreement and I cringed when the movement sent another shot of pain through my head.

"Are you alright Bella?" Emmett asked, concern in his voice.

"It's just a headache, I'll be fine."

"I have some medicine in my purse." Rosalie said, digging through her red leather bag and coming out with a bottle of pain killers. "Here."

I took three pills and threw them in my mouth, swallowing them quickly. "Thanks Rose. I think I better go change now."

I turned and went back into my room, quickly throwing on my new black dress and heels. When I turned to face the mirror I grimaced.

"Rosalie, I need some help." I called out into the living room. "Bring your make-up."

Rose was in my room in a flash. She dumped the contents of her large clear make-up bag onto the dresser, picking out a few things before turning towards me. I appreciated that she did everything quickly and in silence. When she was finished she paused.

"Bella, is that all you have?" She was eyeing my dress. I nodded. "I thought so. I brought some extra clothes. Why don't you save that for tomorrow?" She went out to the living room and came back with a knee-length black skirt and deep red blouse. I shrugged and quickly changed, thankful the clothes fit me.

Finally we were ready to go. Rosalie and Emmett drove separately and followed closely behind us. Jasper had already gotten the directions from Alice that morning.

"Did Alice mention Edward at all?" I asked as we entered the busy freeway.

"He won't talk to her. Apparently she tried to approach him and he walked away from her. He's been in his room ever since." Jasper kept his eye on the road. "I'm sure he'll be there today though Bella."

I pressed my lips together and moved in my seat, suddenly apprehensive.

After twenty minutes Jasper pulled off the freeway and into the parking lot of a large funeral home. Emmett pulled into the spot next to us and we all got out of the cars, walking to the front door together.

When we got inside my stomach flipped as the smell of flowers hit us. As we began walking down the main hall my eyes searched for Edward. I realized that Rosalie had wrapped her hand gently around my arm. I was still looking for Edward when she came to a sudden stop. I realized we had reached Esme's viewing area.

I took a timid step into the room, instantly spotting Alice talking to a small group of people that looked like family. She had dark bags under her eyes but she smiled as she saw us. I saw Jasper move forward quickly out of the corner of my eye and we all followed behind him.

"Thank you for coming." Alice said, bringing each of us forward into a soft hug.

"I am so sorry Alice." Rosalie said sympathetically. Alice nodded, and I could see fresh tears forming in her eyes.

I suddenly realized we were standing only a few feet away from the casket. I held my breath as I looked up and then exhaled heavily as I realized it was closed. I didn't know whether to be grateful or sad but I didn't have much time to think about it. I had finally found Edward, sitting on a small couch on the furthest side of the room from where I stood.

My heart ached and I started towards him, making sure to take in his appearance now so I wouldn't have any involuntary reactions when he could see my face. He was dressed nicely, but his hair was a mess. He was unshaven and his eyes were bloodshot. He had finally lifted his head, but didn't react to my approach.

"Edward-" I reached towards his face and he turned his head away from my touch. "Edward I am so sorry." I tried to ignore his movement and I sat down next to him, waiting. He finally turned towards me. I shuddered when I realized his eyes were lifeless.

"I know you're_ sorry_. Everybody is _sorry_." He said coldly. My eyes widened at his tone.

"Edward, please…" I started, reaching out to touch his hand.

"_What _Bella?" He spat, yanking his hand away and standing up. As he got up I caught a whiff of alcohol. I stayed where I was, unmoving. "Just do me a favor and leave me alone. I don't need your pity." He spun around, walking out of the room unsteadily.

I dropped my hand from where it was. I looked around and realized everybody had heard our exchange. Carlisle had been close by, and his face was full of worry. Alice had started after Edward but had seemingly changed her mind. She was wrapped in Jasper's arms with her face against his chest. My chest suddenly felt tight, and the smell of flowers seemed to reach my head, causing it to throb again.

I got up, my hands shaking, and practically ran back through the hallway to the parking lot. I made it all the way to the side of Alice's car before I broke down.


	9. Part IX

**Soundtrack: ****Eva Cassidy – Fields of Gold**

**Sorry updates are taking so long. I'm working on a few other things too and I've also been reading like a maniac, which is nothing new. It seems like there's never enough time in a day, especially when you work full-time. Thanks for the great comments on the last chapter, keep em' coming.**

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Part IX

I let myself cry for a moment, leaning heavily against Alice's car while wiping my warm tears away from my cheeks. In my mind crying was selfish, but it was safer to cry here then in front of an audience. I finally sniffed and stood, leaning over to look at my reflection in the side mirror to make sure my face was composed.

I slowly walked back into the funeral home, my eyes again looking for Edward.

"Bella," Alice walked towards me, her face pale against her dark hair. "He's probably gone."

Alice's eyes were red-rimmed. I opened my arms to her and she daintily stepped in them, hugging me tightly. "I'm so sorry Alice." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around her petite frame. I could feel her tears soaking through my blouse.

She took a step back. "Bella, you have to do something. He loves you, I_ know_ he needs you. I can't lose them bot-"she choked on the words, putting her hand to her throat.

"I will always be here for him." I promised her, knowing in the back of my mind it was impossible to pledge to her that_ he_ would want _me_ there.

She nodded, and suddenly Carlisle was at her side. I cringed when I saw the dark circles under his eyes and the sorrow in his face. He had aged twenty years in two days.

"Alice, Liam and his family are here from Ireland. We should go say hello."

When they had left I stood for a long while by myself, feeling completely helpless. I was no good in situations like these, a trait Charlie had unwillingly passed down to me. Now, suddenly, I needed to _save_ Edward. I was terrified.

"Bella?" I snapped my head up and saw Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper watching me from a few feet away. Rosalie gestured towards me with a graceful hand. "Bella, let's go sit down."

I nodded, following them to a large over-stuffed and uncomfortable couch. We watched as masses of people came and went, surrounding Alice and Carlisle with their sympathetic words and pats on the back. I noticed many people crying, but even more smiles. I knew all of these people here and truly felt loved by Esme. I had only met her once, and already she had trusted me with her son's happiness. I quickly brushed away a stray tear and forced the thought out my mind. I spent the next couple of hours carefully memorizing the pattern in the carpet, trying to stay composed.

Suddenly I felt a nudge from Rosalie and I looked up in time to see Edward enter the room again. I jumped up as he stumbled over a large flower arrangement, drawing attention from the room once again. I caught Alice's horrified expression before I practically lunged myself at Edward, grabbing him arm.

"What the hell?" He tried to shake me off, but I held on tight.

"Come _on_ Edward." I said between my teeth as I tried to pull him back into the hallway. He reeked like alcohol and cigarettes and I realized he must have gone to a bar.

Finally Jasper quickly walked over to help, and we pulled Edward through the long hall and outside. Jasper threw him into somebody's large silver Hummer, a disgusted look on his face.

"What are you thinking Edward?" Jasper asked in a low tone. "Why are you making this worse for them?" Before Edward could answer Jasper turned and walked away angrily, no doubt to go comfort Alice.

Edward shot me a menacing look as he slid down the side of the Hummer and down to the ground.

"Will you come back to the hotel with me?" I asked him, my voice shaking.

"No."

"Do you want to go somewhere Edward?" I desperately wanted to get him away from here and get him alone, so we could talk.

"I already went somewhere Bella." He gave me a sloppy grin and my stomach rolled.

"_Not_ the bar Edward."

"Why not? What do you care?" He asked, banging his fist on the ground.

I ran to him, kneeling down awkwardly and grabbing his face with both of my hands. "What do I care Edward? I care because I love you, because I want to be here for you, because-"

He reached up and pulled his hands off of my face and I shook my head, grasping at his shirt as he stood, pushing me away.

"Don't do this Bella. Don't be here for me, I don't want you here. I don't need you. I don't love you."

I let go of his shirt and dropped my hands to my sides, the shock of his words hitting me full force.

_I don't love you._

He looked at me for a long while, but I couldn't form any words. I could barely breathe. I just looked back at his beautiful pained face, committing it to memory. For a moment, he opened his mouth as if he were going to say something but slammed it shut before turning his back on me and walking away.

******

The rest of us stayed at the funeral home the entire afternoon and night, trying to give Alice space but to be there when she looked like she needed somebody. I was thankful she seemed to be coping in a normal way.

Edward never returned.

After we had left, Jasper staying behind to spend time with Alice and help them bring home the dozens of floral arrangements, I gave Rose and Emmett my room and spent the entire night on the couch watching cartoons with wide eyes, trying to block out Edward's words. Trying to believe he didn't mean them.

In the morning, after catching a few hours of sleep, I woke up and numbly changed into my black dress. I let Rosalie fix my tired face again and we drove to the funeral together, Rosalie watching me cautiously.

"He's drinking again." She finally stated. I nodded weakly; sure that everybody who had seen him the day before already knew

"Again?" Emmett asked, raising his thick eyebrows at me in the rearview mirror. I glanced at Rosalie, surprised and somewhat impressed that she hadn't told Emmett what she knew.

"I'll explain later babe." She turned in the passenger seat to face me in the backseat. "Bella, what are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "He told me…he said he doesn't want me to be there for him. He's trying to push me away. I have to try though."

Rosalie pursed her red lips and nodded, absentmindedly toying with her dangling earring. "Just be careful Bella." She warned as we pulled into the church parking lot.

I stumbled out of Emmett's car once he had parked, almost falling face first into the hard concrete. Rosalie grabbed my arm with a heavy sigh. My face burned.

"There's Jasper." Emmett said, pointing towards the massive front door of the church. Jasper stood to the side of the doorway, his eyes searching the constant flow of people making their way from the parking lot. He gave us a small smile as we approached.

"They're not here yet." Jasper said tightly, glancing at his watch. I knew that Carlisle had opted out of the funeral procession from the funeral home to the church, but it still surprised me they wouldn't have accompanied Esme here themselves. I shot an anxious look at Jasper.

"Bella we're going to go find a seat." Rosalie said, grabbing Emmett's hand. "Why don't you come with us?"

I shook my head, frowning.

"Bella, let's go in." Jasper sighed. "We're doing them no good standing out here like a bunch of nervous wrecks." I bit my lip. I didn't agree but I let him lead me inside anyway, both of us glancing behind our shoulders the entire way.

My heart started to beat faster as we entered the church. The church was circular. Esme's pearl casket had been set slightly off center, and a tall and aging pastor stood, waiting patiently for the vast room the fill. Jasper had his hand lightly on my back, and he guided me as he followed Rose and Emmett through the aisles. Finally, we found a place to sit. I leaned heavily back against the light wooden pew, my eyes still searching for Edward.

Finally, I spotted Carlisle and Alice and saw Jasper's body tense out of the corner of my eye. Alice looked absolutely striking in a flowing black dress. Her face looked brave and as her eyes found Jasper's, she smiled in what looked like relief.

"Where is he?" I asked under my breath.

"It's okay Bella, he'll be here." Rosalie assured me. I saw Emmett nodding in agreement and I tried to relax.

Finally, as the church organ began to play and everybody began to rise, I saw a glimpse of messy bronze hair. Edward slowly made his way to the front pew to sit with Alice and Carlisle and a lump formed in my throat as Alice grabbed Edward's hand, holding it tightly. He was dressed well and clean shaven. I felt a twinge of hope.

As the pastor began speaking, I could barely hear him. I was sitting so that I was facing Edward and my eyes never left his face. I watched as all the_ correct_ emotions played out there throughout the service; from sadness, to remembrance, to love, to pure pain. I ached to hold him now, seeing him mourn with clear and pained eyes.

Finally, my eyes shifted as a stunning woman who had been identified as Esme's childhood friend got up unhurriedly and situated herself in front of Esme's coffin. Her eyes crinkled as she smiled softly at the Cullens and as the accompanist switched from the organ to a smaller piano, this lady opened her mouth and began to sing.

_You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
Among the fields of barley  
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky  
When we walked in fields of gold_

So she took her love for to gaze awhile  
Among the fields of barley  
In his arms she fell as her hair came down  
Among the fields of gold

"_Oh_." A small sound escaped from Rosalie's lips as tears immediately sprang to everybody's eyes. This woman's voice was like a flawless bright light. It felt as though Esme was present in the room with us, instead of just her empty body. The way this woman was looking at Carlisle while singing I was sure this song had held significance for him and Esme. I looked up through wet eyelashes to see Edward staring back at me, tears running freely down his beautiful face. My chest heaved and my hand twitched with the need to wipe his tears away.

After the service had ended, we watched Carlisle, Edward, and other family members solemnly lift Esme's casket out of the church and into the back of an ominous looking black hearse.

"Edward?" I stepped towards him timidly.

He turned towards me. I realized in that moment just how much I had missed him and my heart skipped. He didn't say anything and we stood like that for a long while. Finally he took a step forward, leaning down and kissing me on the forehead. Before I had chance to speak again he had already turned away from me and was following Carlisle to a black Mercedes.

"Bella? We're going to the cemetery alone but please come by afterwards." I spun around. Alice was behind me with Jasper at her side.

"Does he want me there Alice?" I asked. "I don't want to force myself on him. Maybe it's worse for me to do that."

Alice shook her head vehemently. "I want you there Bella, and he does too, whether he's willing to admit it or not."

I sighed and nodded, giving Alice a hug and a kiss on the check before she climbed into Carlisle's car with her family. I watched them go, my forehead burning in the spot Edward had kissed it.


	10. Part X

I actually wrote much more tonight (will I ever get any sleep ever again?) but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go the route I had originally thought. I'm not sure I want the story to be as long as it's going to be if I do what I was going to do (am I making you nervous?). I should definately have the next chapter up by next week though, once I decide what to do.

* * *

**Part X**

Although it was my idea to go to lunch while we waited, I was far from hungry. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and I sat around a large red table at a local Coney Island, lost in our own thoughts.

"Bella, would you _stop_ poking your hot dog like that. You're making my stomach hurt." Emmett said suddenly, eyeing my plate uneasily.

"Oh. Sorry." I said flatly, setting my fork down.

"Edward looked good today." Rosalie offered after taking a bite of her salad. "Maybe he reali-"

"Not now Rose." Jasper said sharply. Rosalie snapped her mouth shut, her eyes slanting.

"What? We can't talk about it? We're supposed to just let Bella deal with it alone? How would you feel if Alice had stumbled in the room like that yesterday?"

Jasper cringed.

"Rose-"I learned forward. "I appreciate this, but really, there's no point in talking about it. I've barely talked to Edward and until I get a chance too I'm just trying to be calm. Besides, this _is_ happening to Alice. She may look like she's coping better, but that doesn't mean she's okay. Who knows what it's been like at home for them."

Rosalie sighed and nodded, shooting Jasper a semi-apologetic look.

After shoving our food around on a plates, and Emmett eating every last bite on his, we paid the bill and left. The sky was a clear blue and the sun was hot on my hair. I silently willed it away, for the first time in my life wishing for clouds. The brightness and stickiness wasn't fitting for today.

We drove to Alice's quickly, mostly because Jasper was driving and he was always anxious to get to Alice. As we pulled into Carlisle's driveway my jaw dropped.

In front of me was the most beautiful home I had ever seen. It wasn't as massive as the neighboring homes, but it was quite large and incredibly modern looking compared to the old-money style that seemed to be chic in this part of town. The home was two stories, with what looked like a walk-out basement. Not only were the windows on the house floor-to-ceiling, but their immense front door was made entirely from cut and stained glass.

"Wow." Rosalie breathed. "I've seen pictures of the inside in one of those magazines but this is just…wow."

"This house was in a _magazine_?" Emmett asked incredulously, his eyes bulging. "And here I thought it was Carlisle who brought the money in. Esme really had it going on."

I smiled, thinking of Esme's beautiful work I had seen in photographs.

We all climbed out of the car when we spotting Carlisle's Mercedes and realized they were home. I noticed a couple other vehicles, but beside that, we seemed to be some of the first ones here. Jasper walked to the front door, knocking gently.

"Jasper!" Alice cried as she opened the door, practically falling into his arms. Her eyes were wet and she had keys in her hand. I realized they must have just walked in from the cemetery. I shuddered at the thought of Esme in the cold ground.

As we all crowded into the foyer Carlisle came from what looked like his study. He gracefully kissed Rosalie and I's cheeks, then shook hands with Emmett and Jasper.

"Thank you all for being here these past few days. It's really meant a lot to Alice and Edward." I didn't miss the pause before he added Edward's name.

"It was a beautiful service." Rosalie complimented. We all nodded in agreement.

Carlisle smiled tightly. "Well, make yourselves at home. We have some family coming by, but I refrained from inviting too many people. We had many work collogues between us, but family and friends were always the most important to her." He trailed off, finally turning and making his way back into his study. I hung my head a little, hating to see such an amazing man so broken.

"Let's go into the living room." Alice suggested. "Bella, Edward stays in the basement." She pointed to a white door. I nodded and gave her a thankful smile.

I slowly made my way down the steep carpeted steps, coughing once to warn Edward I was coming. When I reached the bottom step I gasped. Edward didn't have a room, he had an _apartment_.

The basement had been turned into a living space bigger then the first floor of Charlie's house. There was a kitchen, large screen TV, leather couches, a pool table, and two doors which I guessed led to Edward's bedroom and bathroom. There was also a walk-out patio. The entire space had been decorated in the same black and light khaki as Edward's apartment at school. Tears threatened me once again when I realized Esme had done that for him to make him feel at home while he was away.

"Edward?" I walked to the first door, tapping on it lightly.

"Come in."

I opened the door, stepping into his room. The entire space was basically shelves, housing hundreds of books and CDs. Against the furthest wall from me was a queen sized bed covered in an off-white goose-down comforter. Edward sprawled out there on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Finally, when I had shut the door behind me, he sat up.

I stepped forward cautiously, looking him over carefully. He still looked good, but had a slightly glazed look in his eyes. I bit my lip, wondering if it were from crying or from alcohol.

"You're scared of me, aren't you?" He asked sadly as I sat down next to him on the bed, keeping a small distance between us.

"That's not it. I-I just want to make sure you want me here, that's all."

"Oh Bella." He sighed, putting his head into his hands.

I put my hand on his back, rubbing gently. He turned his body into mine and leaned his head against my chest. I encircled body with my arms, resting my chin on his head.

"Bella-"He said again, into my shirt. As I kissed the top if his head he began to sob soundlessly. I held him tighter, trying to control my own tears.

He pulled away, looking desperately into my eyes. "I've failed her already."

I shook my head, putting my hand against his face, letting the words pour out of me. "Edward, you could never fail her. No matter what you've ever done or will do, you're heart has always been the same. You're _good _Edward and you _love_. Couldn't you see all she wanted for you was that?"

"I can't do it without her Bella. I don't want too. I can't do this."

"You're doing it now Edward." I said, "You're hurting and you're mourning for her. You loved her, you can do that."

He sobbed again, standing.

"I only did this for Alice and my father." He stopped, shaking his head. "I just miss her so much."

"I know." I said quietly, standing up and looking into his eyes. "Edward, let me help you through this. Let me be here for you. Let your family be here for you."

He stared back into my eyes without answering me for a long while. My heart dropped as I read the look on his face.

"Bella, what I said yesterday. I didn't mean that. I love you very much, more then I thought was possible to love anybody. But that means that I also know when to walk away."

I took a step back, my eyes frozen wide.

"I can't put you through this Bella." He said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"Edward, no." I choked out. "Stop thinking like tha-"

He raised his hand, cutting me off. "I'm not going back to school Bella. I can't. I need to be home and I can't promise I'm going to get better again anytime soon. That would _exhaust _you. You would be worried non-stop."

"I'll be worried anyway." I pointed out, a tear making its way down my cheek.

Edward took a step towards me, closing the gap between us, and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Thank you for being here Bella, and for loving me, but I can't do this right now. I need you to let me let you go." He said these last words so calmly I knew it was over. His mind was made up.

"I love you" I whispered, inhaling his sent before stumbling blindly out of his room and feeling my way back up the stairs, trying to control my tears.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, a look of worry crossing her tired face. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine." I gasped, nodding my head a little too quickly. "Where's your room Alice? I just need a second."

Her forehead creased but she pointed up the large winding staircase. "To your right, it's the last door."

I bounded up the stairs, aware that Rosalie was following closely behind me. This was ridiculous, she should be with Alice.

When I reached Alice's room I almost wanted to smile as I stepped inside. Her room was exceptionally large and painted in different hues of purple. She had a beautiful white wooden vanity almost as large as her bed, and an even larger walk-in closet.

"Bella?" Rosalie's tone was questioning.

"It's over Rose." I said, keeping my back to her. "Just give me a minute okay? I can't be like this around Alice and her family. I'll be fine, please. Go comfort the people who need it."

There was silence and I turned around, surprised to find Rosalie has actually listened to me. I shut Alice's door and sat on her soft bed, letting my tears fall until my body went numb.

It was a numbness that I knew might never go away.


	11. Part XI

**Soundtrack: Mika - Happy Ending***it's _not_ the end of the story, I just thought this song fit*

To all my reviewers; Thank you, thank you, thank you.

**Note:** I started a new fanfic: The Space Between. Check it out on my profile page.

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**Part XI**

After spending another night in Detroit, it was time for me to head back to Allendale. I had already called into work most of the week and I needed to catch a ride with Rosalie and Emmett, who needed to return to their classes. Jasper was staying through the weekend to be with Alice.

I could barely remember anything that happened after talking to Edward. The cold numbness spread through my body and I somehow had made my way back upstairs, staying as close to Alice's side as possible. She knew something was wrong, but didn't say a word. I was thankful; it would have made me feel endlessly guilty for her to worry about me at a time this. She didn't need any more sorrow in her life.

Edward never came upstairs. I left without seeing him once.

Rosalie grilled me the entire car ride back to school.

"What did you mean when you said it was over Bella?" She asked me, unable to hide her curiosity.

"What it sounds like Rose."

"He broke up with you? On the day of his mother's funeral? Was he _drunk_?"

"Rosalie, come on," Emmett gave her an exasperated look. I just shrugged.

"He's not coming back to Grand Valley. He just doesn't want me around right now." I tried to explain, but saying the words made me my eyes start to water. I refused to answer any more questions from that point on. It hurt too badly.

Charlie was alarmed when I came home, but didn't say much. I'm sure he took my expression for exhaustion. I hugged him and went quickly to my room, stripping off my clothes and changing into one of Edward's over-sized shirts. I curled up in my bed for nearly eighteen hours, sleeping on and off.

The rest of the month went by in a blur. Alice still hadn't returned and wouldn't answer her phone when I tried to check up on her. I took her silence for anger. She had asked me to be there for her brother, and I had failed. It was as simple as that. I had let down Alice and Esme. The thought snuck into my mind daily, making me physically sick on more than one occasion.

Charlie finally started to show his worry when I came downstairs with mismatched shoes on.

"Bella, what is _wrong_ with you?" He asked, eyeing my feet. "You've barely spoken a word since you've gotten home and you won't call Renee back. Did something happen? Is Edwa-"

"We're not together anymore Dad." I said flatly, turning my back to my room to change my shoes before he could comment.

I registered for my fall classes, I went to work, and I allowed Rosalie to pull me to the mall on occasion, but beyond that I stayed numb.

"Has Alice called you?" I asked Rosalie inquisitively one day while we were at Target.

"Not really." She said, rummaging through some CD's. "I got a hold of her once and she said she just needs some time to clear her head. Jasper has been going back and forth like a maniac but otherwise it doesn't seem like she wants to talk to anybody." I nodded understandingly.

"Have you talked to Edward?" she asked in return.

The sound of his name ripped my heart open and my hand flew to my stomach as the pain continued all the way down to my toes. I shook my head, shooting Rosalie a look that would convey she was never to mention his name again. I had admittedly tried to text and email him several times, just to see if he was okay. When he didn't respond, I gave up.

It was definitely over.

*****

August came quickly, or did it go by slowly? I couldn't tell anymore. I was just getting home from work on a Saturday night when my phone rang, startling me from my now-permanent daze as I walked through the front door.

"Hello?" I asked when I had finally fished my phone out of my jean pocket.

"Bella?" Alice's voice nearly stopped my heart.

"Alice! Alice I'm so happy to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay Bella. I'm sorry for not answering your phone calls. I know you understand but I didn't want you to think I didn't miss you, because I do."

"Oh no," I said, sitting down on the couch. "Don't be sorry."

"How are you Bella?"

"Fine!" I answered brightly, wincing at my tone. Alice was silent. "Really Alice, I'm good. How's Carlisle doing?"

Alice sighed. "Don't treat me like I'm breakable Bella, and don't lie to me. I talked to Rose and she said you're barely responsive, like your practically in a coma."

"Look Alice, I'm trying, really. Just please tell me, how are you?" My tone was pleading.

"I just said I was doing okay. Don't you want to ask me how _Edward_ is?"

"How's Edward?" I asked automatically, trying to mask the pain as I said his voice.

"He's an idiot." Alice said matter-of-factly. I tried to laugh.

"Is he okay though Alice? I mean, is he-"

"Sober?" she added for me. "He wasn't after you left. He drank so much I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital at least twice." I gripped the phone tightly, suddenly feeling faint as Alice continued. "Finally, Carlisle got angry with him. It takes a lot you know, but Edward finally reacted to that, and he's really trying now. He's trying to learn how to handle this on his own."

"That's great." I said sincerely, relief washing over me.

"He'll come around on everything else too." Alice said quietly. I closed my eyes, not allowing myself to feel hopeful. It was clear Alice had tried to convince Edward to contact me, and it was obvious what his response had been. He was doing fine without me now, better probably.

"Have you decided if you're going to come back or not?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Of course I am." She said decidedly. "I will never stop missing her Bella, but I want to keep on living, Esme would have wanted it that way. Besides, I can only imagine what your fall wardrobe will look like if shopping were left up to _you_."

I managed a small laugh for her benefit, but there was still a dull pain radiating through my body. After finishing up the call with Alice and verifying she was coming home in roughly two weeks, I took two Nyquil and crawled into bed, falling into a long and deep sleep.

The next morning I woke up early. I had finally received a verification of my class schedule and I wanted to get my book shopping over with. The thought of school excited me; I knew I needed something healthy to focus on. The sun filtered through the trees and shone brightly into my window and I squinted against the light as I got ready.

I pulled into campus, parking in one of the large student lots, and made my way slowly to the student bookstore, taking my time to enjoy the gorgeous weather.

"Bella?" A voice boomed from behind me. I spun around.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, looking up. "Did you get _taller_?"

"Nah." He said, smiling brightly. "You just haven't seen me in awhile. So what brings you here?"

"Books." I explained, pulling out my class schedule. "I'm sure they're going to set me back about five hundred dollars."

"They definitely aren't cheap." He agreed as we start to walk towards campus together. "But what's the fun in college if we're not penniless? They probably do it on purpose, to teach us some sort of life lesson."

"What lesson would that be?" I asked with a grin. "Education doesn't come free?"

Jacob laughed, throwing in head back. When I realized I was laughing with him I quickly clamped my hang over my mouth in shock. Jacob looked at me questioningly, raising his thick eyebrows.

"Sorry." I said quietly, tucking my chin to my chest. My face was red and I felt uneasy. Was it _guilt_?

"No worries Bella." Jacob said softly, touching my shoulder lightly. "Anything you need to get off your chest?"

"I'm more the suffer-in-silence type." I muttered, my head still down.

"Fair enough, but I'm a great listener in case you ever change your mind." He offered.

"Thanks Jacob, really. "

We finally made it to the bookstore, separating so we could search the expansive space for our required books. I moved slowly, making sure each book required was in my hand before reaching the register. As I approached the register carefully, I tripped, sending a dozen books tumbling towards the floor.

"Typical." I said as I bent down to gather my books. My face was burning with humiliation and I cursed lightly under my breath as tears suddenly threatened my eyes.

"Bella, here let me help you." Jacob was instantly at my side, gathering the remaining books in his tanned arms.

"Thank you." I mumbled as we stood, setting everything down at the register.

"You know you could have made two trips." Jacob teased lightly. "It wasn't a race."

I smiled sheepishly, letting out a small laugh. "Too bad you didn't tell me that before I took a spill. Not that it's anything new anyway."

"So you're clumsy huh?" Jacob was grinning widely now, apparently very amused. "That's great. We need to hang out more often, my roommates would get a kick out of y-"

"Yeah it's quite_ hilarious_." I snapped, surprising myself with the biting edge to my voice. I softened my face and tone immediately, "I'm sure there's not a joke you guys could come up with that hasn't been told already."

"Aw I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean it that way." Jacob said apologetically as I handed my credit card over to the freckle-faced girl behind the register.

"Don't even tell me what the total is, I don't want to know." I said quickly as the girl opened her mouth. I turned back towards Jacob. "Don't worry about it; I know it's entertaining at the very least. Just not for me." The girl thurst a receipt at me and I signed it, keeping my eyes away from the total. I would deal with it later.

"Well listen, why don't we get together sometime? I don't care what we do, it doesn't have to be a _date_ or anything." I hide a smile as it was Jacob's turn to blush.

"Sure Jacob, I'll give you a call." I hated lying to him, but I didn't want to be rude. Besides, I did like Jacob, and maybe one day I would call him. After all, it hadn't been lost on me that it was the first time I had really laughed in a long while.


	12. Part XII

**Sorry for the delay! I've been spending my free time watching Twilight. R Pattz in my room is just something I can't get enough of. ;)**

**Thanks for the reviews and as always, SM owns all**

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**Part XII**

"Bella? Are you listening to me?" Alice's voice tore through my thoughts.

I snapped my head up quickly, trying to appear alert. "Yeah."

"Then what did I just say?"

I bit my lip, finally giving up and shrugging my shoulders with a sigh. I vaguely remembered a serious discussion between Alice and Rose about nail polish, but I had tuned that out at least five minutes ago. Ever since Alice had come back two months ago she had been dead set on only talking about absolutely silly, meaningless things…well, more than usual at least.

"Give it up Alice; she doesn't even _know _the difference between red and burgundy." Rosalie said, chuckling.

I nodded in agreement, my newly cut bangs flopping in front of my eyes. I swept them back and growled under my breath.

"Don't you dare say a word Bella." Alice warned. "They look adorable."

"They're annoying." I said flatly. "They tickle."

Rosalie laughed, shaking her head. Of course her bangs looked like they had been professionally styled and didn't move an inch. Maybe I _did_ need to invest in some hairspray…

"Want to give each other pedicures?" Alice jumped up, reaching for a large cosmetics bag full of nail polish.

I held up my hands. "No way Alice, I told you I have to finish that paper for my Families in Society class."

Alice frowned and I gave Rosalie a panicked look. Anytime Alice showed a hint of unhappiness we had both been doing whatever we could to make her smile (which is how my bangs were born).

"I'll stay Alice, and we can see if Tanya wants to come by." Rosalie offered. "I don't have class tomorrow so I can study then."

I shot Rosalie a thankful look as Alice beamed. "I'm going to get going then, I'll see you tomorrow in class Alice."

Alice bit her lip. "I don't think I'll be there Bella. I have to help Jasper with this um, photography project."

I stared at her a moment, but her eyes were clear, so I just shrugged. "Okay, I'll take notes for you."

As I made my way down the stairs of Alice's apartment building I felt the usual lump in my throat. When I was being honest with myself I could admit it was because I missed Edward with every fiber of my being, and leaving Alice felt like I was leaving a piece of him. It was selfish, but true.

Since Alice had been back she had refrained from bringing up her brother in front of me, unless somebody asked about him. I had took this to mean he was unwilling to see me, or else I was positive Alice would be spending every waking moment trying to push us back together. If she wasn't doing that, it meant Edward had been very clear that he didn't want it.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head as I got into my car, tears threatening my eyes. I took a deep breath and started the engine, focusing on the moving road as I drove.

******

The next morning I woke up early to put the finishes touches on my paper. I printed out the 12 pages and placed them carefully in my blue binder.

I threw on a pair of jeans and a dark brown zip-up jacket. It was October now and the fall chill had already begun to settle on campus. I pushed my hair back with a leather headband (my easy fix for the ridiculous bangs) and slung my backpack over my shoulder, not bothering to look in the mirror.

"Good morning Bells." Charlie greeted me from the kitchen table as I stumbled downstairs.

"What do you have going on today?" I asked, reaching into the fridge for a yogurt. I knew my attempt at sounding chipper was ridiculous.

"I think I'm going to head into town, do some grocery shopping. I feel bad I've been relying on you to do it."

I shrugged, "Really Dad, it's not a big deal. I did it for Mom all of the time."

"Yeah well, that's your mother. I did it for years without you and I can do it once awhile on my own still."

I didn't answer and quickly finished my yogurt and threw the empty cup in the garbage. "Well do whatever you wan to do. Bye Dad." I said finally, heading out of the front door.

I was driving to campus and fiddling with my nearly ancient radio when I glanced up and almost swerved off of the road, letting out a small cry.

Edward had just driven past me.

My breath started to come out in short bursts as my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, wondering if I had been seeing things. I somehow made it the rest of the way to campus and pulled into the first parking spot I could find, placing my forehead against my cool leather steering wheel once I had parked.

Finally I lifted up my head and fished my cell phone out of my backpack and called Alice. There was no answer. My whole body began to shake.

I sat there for another five minutes, staring blankly at my windshield. I jumped slightly when I head a tapping on my window. I looked to my right and found Jacob there, the usual big smile on his face. I sighed, my heart still beating wildly against my chest, and rolled my window down.

"Hey Jake."

"Bella, what are you doing? You look sick or something." He poked his head into my car, his dark brown eyes looking me over.

"No, no. I'm alright; I'm just tired." I plastered a smile on face, turning it downwards back into a frown when Jacob started laughing at my feeble attempt to look anything but miserable.

"Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"

"I have this paper due…" I trailed off, suddenly realizing the last thing on earth I wasted to do was listen to my monotone professor lecture for the next two hours. "Actually, yes. How about we get an early lunch at the diner by that new tanning salon?"

Jacob's face lit up. "Sure, sure. That sounds good."

"Let me drop this off in my Professor's mailbox and then we'll go."

I walked quickly to Lake Huron Hall, leaving Jacob waiting for me in my car. I tried to focus on where I was going rather then what I had seen. I was breathless once I reached my Professor's office, thankful he was already at class.

When I reached the car I couldn't help but grin when I saw Jacob had took it upon himself to climb into the driver's seat. I hesitated, not sure I wanted a guy who drove at high speeds on a dirt bike to drive me anywhere, but eventually I climbed into the passenger seat when I remembered it would take all of 30 seconds to get to the diner anyway.

"You look distracted, and you know clumsy people shouldn't be driving when they're distracted." Jacob said with a laugh as he pulled out of the parking spot.

"Funny." I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

When we reached the diner I had calmed myself down enough to breathe normally. I followed Jacob to a corner booth, sliding across the soft red leather quietly. A waitress with a name tag reading 'Melody' approached us a moment later.

"Uh, just a ceaser salad and a water please." I said as Melody scribbled on her pad.

"I'll have the mega burger with swiss cheese, a side of chili fries, an order of mozzerela sticks with ranch, and a large coke please." Jacob rattled of without looking at the menu.

My eyes widened. "It's not even noon!"

"Yeah it's called eating. Maybe you should try it sometime." Jacob retorted, regret instantly hitting his eyes.

I looked down, my face flushing. It was true I hadn't been eating on a regular basis and my jeans were fitting loosely, but I didn't think anybody else would notice.

"Aw Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, you look great. You're just, well you're pretty skinny." I shrugged, lifting up my head. He grimaced as he saw the look in my eyes. I didn't react, I knew what he saw there. "You look like you need somebody to talk too."

The waitress brought our food out in a flurry. I blinked in amazment, not really sure I wanted to know how they cooked it all so fast. I started eating my salad slowly, forcing the pieces down my throat. Finally I sat back, sitting my fork down.

"Fine," I said, laying my hands flat on the cool table top. "I'll talk."

I spent the next hour spilling my guts to Jacob, pausing every so often when I needed to compose myself. He sat there silently, only asking a few questions to fill the holes I had left in my rush of words. He managed his facial expressions carefully, and when I was done there was a new look of understanding across his broad face.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked, picking up a cold fry and popping it in his mouth.

"What can I do? He didn't want me there."

"Bella, he_ did_ want you there. Can't you see that? He just loved you too much to let you see him fail. He didn't trust himself and he didn't want to see the disappointment in your eyes." Jacob was leaning across the table now, his eyes intense.

I shook my head. "No, he knew I could never be disappointed in him. _He knew that_."

"No, he knew you would love him anyway, and that probably made him feel even worse."

I shook my head harder now, my eyes wet.

"Bella, you never thought you were good enough for him did you? You always felt he would leave you one day."

I opened my mouth to deny it, but I couldn't. He was right. Despite all his flaws, Edward was and always would be too good for me. I could never refute that. I was plain, ordinary, average. Edward was beautiful, deep, mysterious, brilliant. I was lucky to have had him at all. Why push myself on him and cause him even further pain? He needed somebody who could be amazing for him. That person was not me.

My head suddenly hurt and my hands involuntarily flew up to my temples.

Jacob sighed. "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. I just wish you would see yourself. You're beautiful and smart, you're even funny when you're not too busy feeling so dejected."

I managed a small laugh as the waitress came by to give us our check. "You're sweet Jacob, really, but you're full of it."

"If he really is in town why don't you try to talk to him?" he asked, ignoring my comment. "What's the worst that could happen? I mean you're already feeling this bad, I doubt it can get much worse."

"You have no idea." I muttered, pulling some money out of my back pocket and pushing my half of the bill at him. He pushed it back, leaving a crisp twenty on the table and standing up. I followed his lead, my head still pounding.

We walked out into the chilly air and to the car. Suddenly Jacob stopped and turned to me, his face serious.

"If you don't do it you're going to regret it."

And despite my unwillingness to admit it out loud, I knew he was right.


	13. Part XIII

**Sountrack: ****Coldplay – Fix You**

I feel detatched from the beginning of my story - possibly because it was my first fic and I wrote it in a hurried haze. Anyway, hope if you've noticed it hasn't bothered the flow of the story too much. I guess that's what I get for not outlining anything. Lesson learned.

As always, SM owns and **reviews make me smile**. ;)

* * *

Part XIII

"He's right Bella."

I was sitting in Rosalie's bedroom later that night, curled up in a little ball on bed, watching her color coordinate her closet.

"If he needed me, if he loved me, why would he push me away? He would have to have known that wouldn't help either of us." I questioned, more to myself then her.

"Jesus Bella, you are ridiculous." Rosalie said in exasperation, turning to face me. "In what world do his actions _not_ make sense? He loves you, he just lost the one person he was terrified to disappoint again, and then he goes disappoints you both. In his mind Bella, you are much better off without him and as much as I love Edward, he may be right.

I sat up suddenly, shaking my head.

"He's not getting better." She said after a moment of hesitation. "Alice thought he was really trying, but he's just, he's not moving on. He's not drinking, but he's depressed. He barely even talks anymore. Alice said he hasn't spoken to Carlisle in weeks."

I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to process what Rosalie had just told me.

"Why didn't Alice say anything?" I asked, my voice strained.

"Alice doesn't want you to get hurt. She's letting you move on while trying to convince Edward he needs you. She knows you love him, and she doesn't know who else can make him want to start living his life again." Rosalie was speaking slowly, choosing her words. "But she doesn't want you to get your hopes up either."

"Why is he here?"

Rosalie's eyes went wide. "How did you know that?"

"I saw his car. He drove pass me while I was on the way to class this morning. "

She nodded, sitting down on the bed next to me.

"He's coming to move his things home, but Alice is hoping to convince him to stay." She explained, running her fingers through her long hair. "She wants to get him away from that house, to get him somewhere where he can heal."

"So, he's at his apartment?" I asked slowly.

"Yes. I told Alice she needed to tell you, but she wanted to wait. I'll tell her you know, but you need to go to him Bella. You need to try, and if it doesn't work, then you need to move on. For yourself."

With that Rosalie got back up from the bed and started hanging up her 'red' pile.

I got up without a word and left.

********************

I drove in circles around Edward's apartment complex for an hour, alternating between listening to the radio and talking to myself.

I was starting to think that maybe I needed to see a psychiatrist.

I knew Alice was at Edward's simply because her car was parked next to his. Eventually though, as the sun disappeared and stars began to dot the sky, Alice left by herself, a cell phone to her ear. I wondered if Rosalie had called her yet, and my heart fluttered when I realized that maybe Edward already knew I might be on my way.

I drove aimlessly for another 10 minutes, finally pulling my car up next to Edward's in a moment of clarity. I sat there for what felt like a long while, my fingers nervously tapping on my steering wheel. I ran through every possible, and impossible, scenario of what could happen before I finally forced myself out of my car.

I shut the door, turning to start the long journey to Edward's front door. I didn't even take my first step before I stopped cold.

Edward was in front of me.

My knees went week as I raised my eyes to his face. He was beautiful, beautiful and exhausted. The dark purple circles under his eyes frightened me tremendously and I involuntarily took a step towards him, my hand itching to touch them. His eyes went wide with panic and he took a step backwards.

"Edward?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in a pained voice.

"I-I heard you were here. I wanted to see you – I thought…" I trailed off and began to bite my lip nervously.

"You shouldn't be here Bella."

"Are you drunk?" I blurted the question out, and he looked at me, startled.

"No. No, I'm not…I didn't…I wouldn't have driven up here like that. I haven't drank in over a month."

I nodded, grateful for that.

"Can we talk?" I tried to make it sound like I wasn't begging but I could barely control my voice.

Edward sighed, running his fingers through his tousled hair. It didn't escape me that he looked like he hadn't showered in a few days. It was also excruciatingly obvious he hadn't been eating, his cheekbones stuck out sharply. "Bella, this shouldn't happen. You don't need this right now."

"I don't think that you're in any position to tell me what I do and don't need Edward." I tried the tough approach, trying my hardest to hold my gaze level with his.

He flinched.

"Edward, all I'm asking is to _talk _to you. Please."

I could see conflict raging in his eyes as he slowly nodded his head, turning abruptly and walking back into the building. I followed helplessly, my mind racing.

When we reached his apartment my eyes immediately went to the fireplace. My heart ached and I wandered over to his familiar couch, suddenly very tired. I rubbed my eyes as Edward sat on the floor, his back against the wall so he was almost directly facing me. We were quiet for a long time, studying each other's faces intently, trying to find an answer without having to ask for one.

"I hurt you." He said suddenly.

I nodded slowly, "Yes."

"I'm not a strong person Bella. I wanted you to see that." He was looking down at his hands, which were folded in his lap. "It's not that I didn't want you…"

"You couldn't have. You don't." I interrupted him. "If you needed me, and you wanted me, you wouldn't have walked away from me. You would have let me in. You would have let me love you."

His head came up at my last sentence, pain etched across his face. "You are too good for me Bella."

He had everything so wrong.

"You said you didn't love me." My voice was barely audible.

"And you believed it."

I blinked back tears. "I could never say that to you, no matter how badly I thought I had too. Why wouldn't I believe it? I saw the words come out of your mouth."

"I was drunk, and you were looking at me like I was your entire world. You always look at me that way. My Mom looked at me that way. It was too much." He was choking on his words now.

"She would be miserable if she saw you." I said sadly.

"I know." Edward whispered, hanging his head in shame.

"Let me help you." I had slid off the couch and onto the floor, intent on filling the space between us.

He was silent as I inched my way across the carpeting. He let me touch his face, sighing a little when my warm fingers made contact with his cold cheek.

"I miss you so much." He admitted. "I miss _her_ so much."

"I know." I soothed, running my other hand from his temple down to his chin.

"I'm trying to deal, Bella I swear I am. It just_ hurts_." He let out a sob and I pulled his head down, resting it on my chest. His arms wrapped around me and I lightly rubbed his back, trying to hold in my own tears.

"I never didn't love you." He said, his voice muffled. "Never."

My heart almost burst and despite the situation I smiled, basking in his words for a moment.

"I'm sorry I believed you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder, that I just gave up. I'm so sorry." I lifted his head up so I let him see the truth in my eyes. "I never thought I was good enough for you, and when you said you didn't want me, I accepted that. I'm sorry. I love you."

I had been an idiot. He was being an idiot. We were idiots.

"I stopped drinking. It hurt just as badly with it, so I just stopped. I still couldn't face you. I felt so empty, like I had nothing to give." His words were coming in a rush now and I sat back, wanting to hear every word. "The pain in Carlisle's eyes was too much for me, so I started to push him away too. I have no excuse for it. I've been so selfish, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to handle this. Life without her, it's just, unbearable. I don't want to face it."

"You have too." I said. "Carlisle has too. Alice has too. You need to grieve with them so you can face it together."

"I know." He had begun to absentmindedly trace the veins on the top of my hand with his finger. I closed my eyes, reveling in his touch. "I talked to Alice for hours today, and I'm not helping her. Or Carlisle. She wants me to stay here, go back to school. I don't know if I can."

"What is your other option?" I asked. "Sit in your room, not eating and not taking care of yourself? Stop living because she did?"

A tear ran down his face and I gently wiped it away.

"Move back Edward. You don't have to go back to school right away. We can work on this."

He was quiet, his eyes making their way to my lips. "I don't want to ruin you Bella."

I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. He moaned, tangling his hands in my hair as he returned the kiss roughly. I could feel his need. _He needed me_. The realization hit me hard.

I knew in that moment I would let him ruin me gladly.


	14. epilouge

Don't be mad at my premature ending – I had written this epi and thought it a little too cheesy, but have decided to post it anyway. I think this was great learning experience, being my first fic and all.

Thanks to everybody who stuck around and watched me struggle my way through this one. It was brutal.

SM owns.

* * *

"Bella, move in closer. Smile!" Alice demanded as I shuffled uncomfortably in my spot, sandwiched between Emmett and Edward.

"Cheese." I said flatly as Alice snapped her 100th picture in the last hour.

Edward grinned, pulling me closer to his side and kissing the top of my head.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?" He whispered into my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine.

"Only about fifty times." I smiled, shifting my weight to my other leg. "And honestly, as much as I appreciate the compliment, I'd rather be wearing jeans and anything _but_ these shoes."

It was New Years Eve and Alice, predictably, had me looking like a Christmas gift. I was wearing a deep green dress and was adorned with gold jewelry. My hair was done high upon my head, and my gold heels made me about as tall as Edward. I had already tripped nearly five times.

"Okay, we need one group shot." Rosalie called, waving at Carlisle, who stepped forward obligingly and took the camera. She ran her hands over her silver mini dress before stepping back.

I sighed as I was pulled back into another tightly smashed line of people. I smiled until it hurt as Carlisle took far more then just one group shot.

"Five minutes!" Alice called, hopping up and down while grabbing at Jasper. "Let's go, you too Charlie."

"Alright, alright." My dad sighed, shooting an exasperated look at me with a smile on his face. Although he hated parties, he had no problem being here tonight. Although they didn't see each other often, Charlie and Carlisle had formed somewhat of a strange friendship when they had recently met while Carlisle was on a random trip to visit Allendale. Charlie had actually invited Carlisle out ice fishing. I couldn't wait to see the results of _that _little trip.

"Bella, you too." Alice ordered, her hands on her narrow hips.

We all filed dutifully into Carlisle's living room, and it was suddenly quiet as we watched Dick Clark start the countdown on the flat screen. We had come here to celebrate New Year's and to remember Esme. It had been Carlisle's idea, one that we were all happy to participate in. None of us could imagine being anywhere else actually, even Emmett, who had muttered more than once that he needed a drink.

But there was no alcohol at_ this_ New Year's Eve party.

I squeezed Edward's hand and looked at him. He gave me a small smile, his green eyes glistening.

Alice was crying too, holding onto Jasper from the side. Rosalie and Emmett were standing behind them, their eyes glued to each others. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, smirking across the room at Charlie, who had found a seat on a leather couch.

I realized Carlisle was standing next to me and I reached out my other hand and let it fall on his arm. He looked at me, startled, then smiled kindly and nodded.

As the countdown continued I allowed myself to run my mind back over the last year. It seemed impossible it had only been a year since Edward and I had been together, and less than six months since Esme's death.

Edward had been doing tremendously well since he let everybody back into his life.

It wasn't always easy – and he still wasn't going to school full-time, but he was taking two classes and spending a lot of time with Alice.

There were still nights he would wake up next to me in a cold sweat, thirsty for a drink. There were still days his eyes would glaze over and he would mentally retreat from the room, but those times were becoming few and far between. He was learning how to grieve. There had been a close call, or two, but he was always willing to let me comfort him. He was letting me see the real Edward, the Edward I had always loved, and would always love.

Christmas had been the biggest hurdle to cross. Charlie understood when I had asked him if he minded I spend Christmas with the Cullen's. He even had an early mock-Christmas for me so I didn't feel so endlessly guilty for leaving my Dad to fend for Christmas Eve dinner alone.

Renee was not so understanding. She was upset and hurt that I hadn't come to visit since coming to Michigan, but with a little persuasion she agreed to buy a plane ticket to come out with Phil the week before classes returned. Charlie "coincidently" had decided to plan his ice fishing trip with Carlisle that week, which was a plus. Having Renee stay at Charlie's was bound to be an awkward situation.

"Five, four, three, two, one, HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I was brought back to reality with a whoop from Alice as she pulled Jasper in closely. I felt the mood in the room shift and Edward's hand at the back of my neck and I turned to him slowly, caught by his intense gaze.

"It's a new year." He whispered, bringing his other hand up to my face. Without warning, my eyes watered over. "I love you."

I nodded as he brought his lips to mine as my knees went weak and for a moment the entire world melted away.


End file.
